I appreciate all of the readers of this site. That’s something I don’t say very often. Many of you know that I don’t have any employees. I write everything myself. And also that this isn’t my only endeavor. I also have a full-time job. My biggest challenge as a supervisor is not giving regular positive feedback.
I don’t get social cues. I treat things very matter of factly. And that’s why commenters will sometimes call me ‘tone deaf’. But it’s also why the comments on this site are completely open. As long as you’re not getting too overtly violent or sexual (this is a family site!) and not revealing non-public personal information about people, you’re welcome to criticize me as much as you’d like.
I’m enough on the spectrum not to have any sense for how what I’ll write lands on people, or even consider that question. I say what I think, and it drives brands nuts. I forget that anyone is reading at all … usually until I get the inevitable call from an airline or hotel chain to yell at me. And I’m good with that. As long as what I’ve written is accurate I’m not going to worry whether it’s politic.
In other words, my neurodivergence creates some challenges in interactions, but it’s also my superpower. I don’t think I’d have been able to keep writing this site for the past 23 years, all on my own and in my own voice (no punches pulled), without it.
So it was really meaningful for me to read the new book Born Lucky: A Dedicated Father, A Grateful Son, and My Journey with Autism by Leland Vittert.
He’s a friend and someone you’ve probably seen on TV. I was fortunate to get an early look and while he’s still young for writing his memoir his story is incredible. From overcoming bullying as a child to surviving war zones, there are incredible stories here.
I used to watch Leland years ago as a Middle East news correspondence. I had no idea back then that he was able to put all his travel and living expenses on his personal Starwood Amex racking up millions of points.
I got to know him in 2011 ago when he reached out for help booking a business class award for his mom to Australia. I’ve been on his shows (e.g. here and here), both when he was on Fox News and now at NewsNation. And he did me a great favor hosting the 2019 Freddie Awards at the American Airlines C.R. Smith Museum in Dallas.
What I never knew is that he didn’t speak until age 3. He showed signs of autism early, at a time when it was far less understood. So he was regularly bullied, socially isolated, called “weird,” and rejected growing up.
I also had no idea he carried a letter from his father in his wallet his entire life. After Leland’s grandfather died, his dad found a letter outlining principles like truth, character, and achievement. And he’s carried that letter with him ever since. I still have my own father’s briefcase, and in it I keep a letter he wrote to me about life when I was 10. I’ve started and stopped a draft of my own letter to my daughter many times but haven’t quite managed to say the right things. I tear up every time I start.
Not everything is so serious. I didn’t know his father was almost a partner in the Pittsburgh Pirates (the offer reported in The Sporting News) before a tragedy struck and the deal didn’t happen.
His father shifted focus away from work and became his coach, helping him learn skills to navigate social norms. They’d go out in public and they’d do debriefs. His father would tap his watch at the dinner table to help him learn timing and analyze the rhythm of conversation, so he’d figure out when to speak. Leland practiced.
At age 8, his father had him doing 200 pushups a day – to build up the resilience to stand up to the bullying. And it was the price of rewards like a visit to Disney, because rewards came from effort.
I think there are some great lessons here. A diagnosis does not define potential. I often tend more towards biological determinism in my explanation of outcomes, but it’s a great reminder how parental dedication really can be the difference-maker in quality of life. And there’s a lot beyond autism here as well, bullying, social exclusion, resilience. So even for readers who aren’t on the spectrum the way I am there are still a lot of lessons here.
There’s a a sample chapter of both the audio and print version at bornluckybook.com and you can pre-order at Amazon. Born Lucky comes out September 30.
I’ve only been attacked by some of you in the comments here (and yelled at by the occasional airline C-suiter). Leland has been attacked on twitter by the President for his coverage. Since he not only overcame his neurodivergence but turned it into a superpower, I found the read enlightening and inspiring.
There’s a lot of inspiration here as a parent, too, not to lower expectations because of a label; not to cushion a child from reality but to prepare them for it; to pair necessary firmness with an unwavering presence and translate big life lessons into daily, practical drills. But, mostly, to model character. Because kids are watching.
Such a beautiful post. Thank you for all you do.its so helpful for so many!
Wishing you continued good health and success in all your endeavors
Just great, Gary.
Very inspiring — especially about the letter.
Very interesting. For those interested in this general subject may I also recommend, well known economist Thomas Sowell’s “Late Talking Children.”
Thank you for everything you do, Gary.
Thanks for writing great stuff, Gary. Really appreciate you.
Thanks for all you do, Gary.
Wow, I’ve been reading your blog almost from the beginning and I didn’t know this. Very inspiring. Thanks for sharing.
@Mak — Ugh, you’ll make @Mike P’s day praising Sowell on here; fortunately, that book (published 1997) focuses on his personal stories, which are more admirable than his unproven, mostly partisan, economic theories. (Hoped we could just stick to praising Gary for this post.)
@MaxPower — I noticed there has been a delay/duplicate issue on the site recently. I guess it’s ‘all good,’ since, at least for this post, it means all our ‘praise’ might be two-fold, like you just did. Bah!
Gary, you have always been very considerate not to hurt any people personally , be it customers or travel professionals.
thanks for the brutal honestly, Gary, but I have never thought your were anything less than a hard-working, intelligent person that is passionate about what you do and has built a lot of loyalty and friendships among those that know you not just in person but also via the power of the internet.
All well-developed people continue to learn and grow which you certainly do.
all the best, always.
My thanks and appreciation as well, Gary!
Weird that you felt the need to drop the anti trump reference. Was Trump disagreeing bc he’s on the spectrum, or bc he legitimately disagreed? You don’t get a free pass in the public forum. You kinda ruined an otherwise respectable piece with that single jab. But I do always respect that you don’t shut down/ban those who disagree. I consider you a classical liberal, someone that can actually debate politics issues, not the far left loons taking over lately that only want to kill who they disagree with.
Been a daily reader of you and OMAAT since 2009. Thanks for all you do! I am most surprised that you keep your day job, when the blog probably makes many times your salary.
Really lovely piece, Gary. As someone who has multiple loved ones on the spectrum, this piece hits a special place in my heart. Spectrum powers can be super powers if treated with love, kindness, patience, and understanding.
Thanks Gary. Flying today is truly an analysis into society. In very weird ways.
Nice write-up, Gary.
Regardless where your straight-shooting style comes from (neurodivergence, natural way of being, conscious choice, etc.), I like it!
Keep up the good work!
Thanks Gary for sharing your background and this story. I have been a long time reader of your blog and always find it helpful and interesting. If people don’t like what you write, they can stop reading your blog and go elsewhere. No one is making them read this blog and it doesn’t cost them a cent.
What’s with this trend of normies with OCD and focused interests of some sorts claiming to be “on the spectrum” and “neurodivergent”? Seems like a cop-out of sorts.
Having hobbies and interests that are addictive in ways isn’t abnormal. People are creature of habits because habits and interests tend to be addictive. And most people are pretty lousy at catching most all the social cues out there around them and only prioritize some of them — very normal. 😉
@Mantis — Nah, nothing ‘ruined’ here.
“To announce that there must be no criticism of the President, or that we are to stand by the President, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public.”
—Theodore Roosevelt
What’s with this trend of normies with OCD and focused interests of some sorts claiming to be “on the spectrum” and “neurodivergent”?
Having hobbies and interests that are addictive in ways isn’t abnormal. People are creature of habits because habits and interests tend to be addictive. And most people are pretty lousy at catching most all the social cues out there around them and only prioritize some of them — very normal. 😉
Thanks for the post. You being you is the secret sauce! And please just write the letter for your children. One day it will mean so much to them.
Wait, you had time to read a book? LOL, probably on a plane right?
Seriously, it still amazes me you write and produce this blog with a full time job AND YOU DO IT VERY WELL!
Thanks for the book recommendation and for highlighting the audio version. That was thoughtful. I’m going blind and my love of books continues through audio.
Sadly, I’ll have to leave Austin b/c it’s too expensive for a person on disability.
Somehow I’ve made it 65 while being on the Spectrum.
Can you tell? Hint: I overshare.
Be Best Gary!
Thank you for sharing, Gary. As someone who has had to keep working at social skill issues all his life I understand what you are saying. Some people just naturally pick up on these cues, others have real trouble with them. Personally that has given me real career trouble as many people seem to think that “everybody knows” what they “really” mean.. (But I wonder if picking these up too easily can also short circuit the filter to question what others are doing–“getting along by going along” isn’t always the best strategy either.)
Regarding a certain person who, as in far too many places in America, has appeared in this thread, there is one event that says all one needs to know about him. When he was running in 2016 a disabled reporter asked him a difficult question. His “answer” was to mimic this person’s disability. Such a man has the sensitivity of a rock, though he has very good animal cunning by using lies and threats. I would be honored to be on his “enemies list”.
@drrichard — Well said. (That ‘incident’ should have been the end, but, alas, it wasn’t and the nightmare continues, likely to take generations to clean up.)
Thank you Gary, for all you do…and for sharing about this new book, which I noted. You might also enjoy one by Frank Caprio, who was the “Caught in Providence” “nicest judge in the world, who passed away a few weeks back…the book is called “Compassion in the Court” and conveys the importance of compassion and empathy and family. I especially appreciate your essays as I have not travelled much in the past years. Not covid related, but caregiving for my elder parents with whom I lived, who passed at 100+ (Dad was a WWII vet and 105). Prior/during that time, 5 years ago this coming week, I nearly died of a dissected aorta…which is why I so appreciate knowing what’s going on that you report. Also because I am a tiny, probably microscopic shareholder in AAL, and my beloved Starwood, not Marriott. (I did not vote for that either!) Keep up the good work…much appreciated. PS…once upon a time when I was passing thru DFW, I was able to visit the CRSmith Museum and also got a one on one tour by some kind folks at AAL who showed me the flight academy where the FA’s trained and other parts of operations. Very impressive.
@1990
lol. Yeah. I’ll admit I thought “huh… I’ve been banned”
@MaxPower — That’d make me sad. Fear not, pal. You are not alone!
As the parent of a 37 year old autistic daughter, I recognized a lot of what you wrote and want to extend my appreciation for what you do and what you’ve managed to accomplish. Well done.