Getting the best seat on Southwest Airlines is an exercise in game theory. Couples even catfish to get the best seats, flirting with passengers who are already seated to get a welcome into empty seats… for their significant other.

When Southwest moves to assigned seating next year, it will end seat saving and wheelchair faking. Until then, we still have

• Seat saving

  Woman saving an entire row of plane seats behind her with donut bags.
  byu/Hog_Fan inmildlyinfuriating

• Defending open seats to keep an empty middle seat

• Strategizing whom you want to welcome and whom you want to keep away as your seat mate as various passengers file down the aisle

  @mikewdavis

  How to keep seats open next to you on a flight 😂

  ♬ original sound – mikewdavis

• Requesting that wheelchair when you don’t really need it, just to board first

  A friend shares a not-uncommon sight from Puerto Rico:

  55 "handicapped" during pre-boarding, including 25 wheel chairs

  On his return flight, 15 used wheelchairs to board, only 1 to deboard pic.twitter.com/gHgIsnzsq7

  — Bachman (@ElonBachman) February 19, 2023

While I’ve talked about getting the best seat and trying to keep that empty seat beside you open on a non-full flight (placing crumpled up tissues on the seat beside you is my personal favorite!), I’ve never really talked about choosing the least-bad seat when you’re one of the last to board.

If you buy a Business Select fare or have status you’ll be among the first to board. You may be in a decent boarding spot if you buy ‘Early Bird’ check-in. But if you’re relying on checking in 24 hours in advance, or simply forget to do so, or change your flight within 24 hours of travel and don’t have Rapid Rewards status you’re going to be among the last to board and choose your seat. You pick from what’s left – but there’s still a strategy here.

When you’re stuck with being one of the last to board, on a generally full flight, there are four basic approaches.

1. Sit as close to the front as possible. You might as well end this scenario as fast as possible, getting off the plane as soon as you can. The downside is that overhead bin space may fill up closer to the front.

2. Sit between small people. This is the dominant strategy. You’re stuck in a middle seat, at least you want to sit between passengers who are small and in particular who aren’t wide. So scout out the smallest ones as you walk down the aisle to pick your spot.

3. Approach friendly-looking people. You’re going to be uncomfortable anyway. You’re going to get closer to strangers than you’d planned. Might as well see it as an opportunity to make friends, or at least find people likely to be nice about the whole thing and recognize that the middle seat passenger gets both arm rests. Do they smile? Do they have kind eyes?

   Size them up quickly and make your bet. But you need a certain self-awareness about what kind of judge you are of these things – you want to be right!

4. Go for spite. This is honestly one I hadn’t considered before. You’re uncomfortable no matter what. So what can be accomplished with your seat choice probably won’t make much difference there. You might as well comfort your soul. I’ll explain.

In the spite play, you target passengers you believe are violating social norms and punish them by sitting next to them.

I had a funny thought on last night’s [Denver – Jacksonville] flight. I was the second to last to board at B59, so obviously not full, but someone is going to sit in the middle. I pass a guy in row 8 sitting on the window. He’s got a small duffle bag in the middle seat and is so obviously leaning over it, while texting on his phone. Not making eye contact with anyone. The Larry David part of me wanted to take the middle seat for pure spite. Ergo “The Spite Seat”.

You can sit next to the one putting crumpled tissues on the middle seat, or avoiding eye contact hoping you won’t sit there – and reward the passengers who don’t do that. What do you think? What is your strategy when boarding almost last on Southwest Airlines?