The Today Show highlighted a “social dilemma” at the airport.
- You run into someone at the airport that you haven’t seen for years.
- You wind up on the same flight together – seated next to each other!
- They want to chat, you want to sleep.
How do you handle this “without coming across as rude?” And they made two suggestions to get the rest you want – not giving in to conversation. Let’s see what you think.
Former President George W. Bush’s daughter Jenna says:
I’m really good at this one. This is what you do. You get on the airplane. Before he has a chance to open his mouth, you say ‘oopf, I’m so tired, last night I was up late. Bye!’ You put in your earphones…you put on your playmix, you close your eyes and you say goodnight.
Hoda Kotb disagrees.
I suggest on the plane you sit down, “I’m so happy to see you. Let’s catch up for a minute here, let’s catch up for a minute or two.” You go “I’m about to close my eyes but I have to know a couple of things. How are your kids? Kicking. How is so and so? Great.” That way you get a little.
Bush, who acknowledges to Kotb “you’re nicer than I am” pushes back – “That minute turns in for the whole flight. He starts ordering a scotch and it’s all over.” And they debate whether the passenger is really such a good friend that you should care, since you haven’t seen them in years in the first place?
Normally the universal sign for ‘close your mouth and shut up’ is putting on headphone, ideally noise-cancelling headphones. Not everyone gets the message. But here the question is, how do you do this without being rude? And if you care about being rude, proactively engaging in conversation and asking questions ‘for a minute’ while laying out your boundaries (need to close your eyes and not speak) seems to be the best approach. But the real question is, how much do you care about being rude?
If the situation were slightly different, if you don’t know the passenger next to you and they want to talk, there’s absolutely no reason to speak. Just put on the headphones and close your eyes and eventually they’ll stop (someone who doesn’t at that point is reasonably likely to cause the flight to be diverted in any case).
How often would you even run into someone you knew, but not close, and end up seated in the next seat.
Is this discussion code for ‘how do celebrities handle strangers who want to talk’
Headphones work evry time. They go on as soon as I sit down. My only converstaion is usually just a “hi” and “let me know if you need to get out” (from window seat).
What is it with people and conversation? It’s a conversation, not an extrajudicial execution. Geez, Gen-Z, it’s not going to kill you. One thing is if you want to sleep, just go to sleep. I generally mind my own business but if the person next to you strikes up a conversation you’re not going to instantly combust in flames for uh, I don’t know, talking to another person. Get a grip y’all. It’s fine to take a Xanax if you’re afraid of flying but you certainly don’t need one to maintain eye contact.
There’s a couple of other options: say you were up crazy late the night before working on a project and you’re desperate for sleep or else say you’re sleep deprived and going to a funeral.
I didn’t have to worry about a talkative seatmate after a young lady sat in my assigned window seat and I had the flight attendant straighten things out on a flight lately. She was in the middle seat and sullen the whole flight. She didn’t talk to the guy in the aisle seat, either.
This why J class pods were invented.
I never start one but never turn down one if the seat mate is chatty. Sometimes very interesting – last one was a professional rock climber.
cough and say you hope it’s not infectious
Flying used to be a lot more friendly, and I still remember some wonderful and convivial conversations with total strangers while in a metal tube at 36K feet up in the sky. Now, it seems, Antisocial is the norm, as well “It’s all about me, so don’t get in my space.”
Your come on picture (a recent rerun) does not match your scenario.
In this scene, the two men know each other for about 3 hours now. Robert De Niro is escorting Charles Grodin across the country for a bail bond capture. Here they are discussing the first class dinner menu, a choice of steak or lobster. Mr. De Niro is asking for some “surf and turf action” because Mr. Grodin does not appear hungry as he is worried about getting off the plane, ultimately causing a scene to do so.
Great action movie, Midnight Run, highly recommended.
I’m trained as a psychologist, but work as a statistician. When asked by the person in the neighboring seat, I used to mention I was trained as a psychologist — and before I could get another word out they would often jump into amazingly personal issues in their life, their marriage, or their family. So I started skipping that part and simply saying “I’m a statistician.”
Now they just say “Oh” and turn to their neighbor on the other side.
Jenna who?
I don’t care if I am rude. “No chit chat please.”
If you are trying to rest, and you are happy to see them , tell them you will catch up after you sleep, or after the flight.
If you think someone sitting next to you is trying to rest, don’t disturb their sleep if at all possible.
Have some common decency and respect every one and please don’t be rude to others.
A non-issue for the masses flying in steerage class, unlike for Jenna and Hoda.
I put my lie flat in full recline, fluff up my pillow, and face towards my windows.
This works great even if you’re not an insurance agent. But, all I have to do is start talking about insurance and how so many people are underinsured and how I’d really love to get some more details about you and your family so I can run some quotes….
Think about the agent from groundhog day or the one in Woody Allen’s movie