Meaningful complaints about hotels usually aren’t about marble, thread count, or champagne. They’re about friction. People will forgive a lot if the room is intuitive, the basics work, and the hotel doesn’t steal time.
Luxury properties in particular have a unique failure mode: since they try to take simple tasks and turn them into “experiences,” they wind up turning light switches into a logic puzzle. The shower becomes an interface. Minibars become booby traps. And those things are the exact opposite of luxury.
Ultimately, a great physical plant can be ruined by execution and short-sighted cost cuts.
The core hotel product is:
- Sleep
- Shower
- Privacy
- Clean
From there you add food and beverage; services and courtesties like turndown with waters by the bed and treats and shoe shine; concierge; gym and pool.
But anything that fails on sleep – like too much light and lack of black out curtains (or curtains that don’t cover the entire window); lack of water pressure; a room that isn’t kept clean throuhgout the stay is going to mean that the rest of the stay fails, too.
Get the basics, and then avoid the mistakes, which are mostly frictions and things that rob a guest of time.
- “We’ll text you when the room is ready” and they don’t.
- “Your bags will be right up” while you sit waiting, unable to start your shower or unpack what you need.
- You email ahead about something basic (crib, extra towels), confirm at check-in, still end up calling again because nothing shows up. More broadly, service that requires follow-up (“ask twice”).
- Lighting controls that require a tutorial. This is a design failure masquerading as sophistication. Guests aren’t living the room for a year. It doesn’t make sense to learn a new system, jetlagged and in the dark. If the room requires a course, that’s a fail. Controls should be intuitive, and also for the shower and thermostat, too.
Ok, then there’s just stupid. Glass bathroom walls and “open concept” toilet rooms are not luxury. They’re a cruel joke on basic dignity.
And don’t actually lie to me. Don’t tell me you’re ‘trying to reduce waste for eco-consciousness’ by eliminating single use toiletries, ditching bar soap, and refusing to change towels. You’re saving money. I don’t mind this when we’re sharing the savings (offer me points) for opting into it. But let’s not pretend it’s virtuous, or that I’m somehow anti-Earth because I want Uber Eats trash collected from my room.
If you want to optimize for my stay:
- make sure coffee [and real cream] are available early
- don’t knock on the door when the ‘do not disturb’ is on (I may be off an overnight flight)
- don’t tell me my room is an upgrade when it isn’t
- have enough outlets, including by the bedside and the desk
- thank you for late check-out now don’t just say yes when I ask if my room keys were actually coded for it but please make sure.
These are, I think, pretty basic. They aren’t that difficult to standardize. It’s not a request for a helipad for my giraffe (and a giraffe-sitting service). It’s the basics of constructing a good stay, and ultimately for outperforming on average daily room rate as you deliver on guest expectations.
Yes to these explanations!
Agree with all of this. Too much light is a big issue – the floodlights that illuminate the outside facade are horrible if you can’t get the curtains fully closed or if there are gaps at the top.
AC systems not working properly is another fail…and lamps with blown lightbulbs. I do not need an “experience,” I need to sleep, shower, and sometimes work for several hours a day.
Why is it so difficult for (some) hotels to provide full blackout curtains?
I have been reading your blogs for years. This is one of your best posts. Love it. I hope some of the CEOs are reading this.
I had one of those godawful light switch panel thingies at The Mollie in Aspen last month (using my CSR Edit credit + points boost, of course!). It was a black version but the exact same puzzle…and on a black wall…so trying to a) find it in the dark and then b) figure out how to get ANY light on so I could see the panel was extremely frustrating. I ended up sleeping with the lights on the first night because I could not get the sequence right (reminded me of that game Simon).
One more thing to add, since it’s relevant to most hotel guests – wifi that can keep up with hotel capacity, especially important if cell reception is spotty.
Other common failings at “luxury” properties:
– spurious phone calls while you’re trying to sleep “are you checking out today sir”
– alarm clock bristling with buttons none of which adjusts the time…
– and the previous guest’s alarm goes off at 6am
– aircon hard-wired for either heating or cooling but not both – call maintenance to change it over
– aircon blows down your neck while sleeping
And in the today’s zeitgeist of ensh*tification:
– thieving fridge programmed to add a charge if anything inside moves
– telephones manned by non-english-speakers who can only pass on your request to someone else
– make normal service so bad you have to pay extra to avoid it – think of check-in at Las Vegas
Amen Brother!
Good article for the most part, can’t believe that you didn’t mention WiFi (near the top in terms of must-haves).