The New York Times runs a trend piece on women traveling abroad to find romance. They say that dating in the United States is awful, and meeting men abroad is much better – that people marry later so the dating pool isn’t limited over 30; that men are more serious; that potential mates are more adventurous (while in the U.S. all men are the same archetypes).
The first thing to know about any trend piece is that there isn’t really a trend, although the pieces themselves might create one. There were about two women in New York receiving ‘wife bonuses’ from their investment banking husbands based on ‘performance reviews’ (mostly centered around achievements of their children) when the ‘trend’ became an international sensation.
But all you need is a little anecdata,
Kacey Margo has been going on plenty of fun dates ever since she moved to Paris in October 2019. Men frequently approach her with the dramatic antics seen in Disney movies.
“This one guy was like, ‘I ran through traffic just to look into your eyes once, and if you don’t want to go on a date with me, I can die happy knowing that I just met you,’” said Ms. Margo, a 28-year-old English teacher from Los Angeles.
…There is even a dating show that premiered last month on the cable channel Freeform, “Love Trip: Paris,” where four American women move to an apartment building in Paris filled with eligible French darlings.
Is this really a new trend? The Onion offered a point-counterpoint on European men being more romantic than American men in 1999. You really do have to read the whole thing, it’s perfect, but here’s the setup.
European men aren’t afraid to come up and talk to you. And they know how to start slow, with a nice cup of Italian espresso or a long walk on some historic street. They know the places you can’t find in any tourist guide. They know the whole history of the cities in which they live—who the fountains are named after, who the statues are.
…European men know the most romantic little cafés and bistros and trattorias, candlelit places where you can be alone and drink the most fantastic wine. They tell you what’s on the menu and what you should try. (If it wasn’t for a certain young man in Milan, I never would have discovered fusilli a spinaci et scampi.) And the whole time, they’re looking deep into your eyes, like you’re the only woman on the entire planet. What woman could resist a man like that? Then, after a moonlit stroll along the waterfront and a kiss in the doorway of their artist’s loft, you find yourself unable to—well, I’ll leave the rest to your imagination.
The counterpoint here, though, is incredible.
After a cheap coffee, which to them always tastes better than anything they’ve ever had, because they’re in Europe, it’s time to walk them. Now, all they know about Rome is what they’ve read in Let’s Go, so you can pretty much just make up a whole bunch of shit. It’s fun to see how much they’ll swallow: As long as I refer to Italy as “my homeland” and other Italians as “my people,” they’ll believe pretty much anything.
…For dinner, I usually take them to some cheap little hole in the wall, someplace deserted where not even the cops eat. American girls think candlelight means “romance,” not “deteriorating public utilities,” …and never notice that there’s no electricity. Just as well, because Roman restaurants aren’t exactly the cleanest. After a bunch of fast-talk about the menu, I get them the special, which is usually some anonymous pasta with spinach and day-old shrimp, and whatever cheap, generic, Pope’s-blood chianti’s at the bottom of the list.
Meanwhile one woman in the Times piece described dating abroad as not “just somebody meeting after their work at the bank, on their way home to let out the dog in Denver.”
But people work in banks in Europe, too! And have dogs! So what’s actually going on?
- When you travel abroad, you change the way you meet potential romantic partners
- And you accept different kinds of people because you’re more open
Change your routine, change your place, and you’ll find different experiences! That doesn’t have to mean moving to Europe or backpacking through Thailand. It’s as much about changing your own perspective as it is changing your place and your dating pool, though of course not everyone has to limit themselves to the local dating scene.
They key is to stop selecting the same person over and over, expecting different results. Changing location can help change more than just the people around you, it can help change your perspective and meet different kinds of people (even if those very same types exist near home, you aren’t ‘seeing’ them).
As an old married person, my best advice is to change what you’re looking for. Marriage is a 50 year conversation. Don’t choose someone you’re aren’t going to want to talk to 20,000 days in a row.
That’s funny — most of the single males I know also feel American dating is awful.
Having lived in Italy I can tell you firsthand, Italian men go after American women because frankly they think they are total tramps. That is the cold hard truth. The Italian women aren’t giving these particular men the time of day and I have seen these men dating the absolutely ugliest American women. They aren’t looking for love and they know you will go back home in a few days/weeks. Then they are on to their next conquest. They are looking for a freebie since they don’t have the money for a prostitute. Seriously look at the Italian women and honestly ask yourself if you are even close to matching up. 8 out of ten times the answer will be no if you are honest with yourselves.
Since it’s the Times, in reality it must be other way around. Or they have yet another insane agenda to push. Or, most probably, both.
I need The Onion to do one of these for men tired of Western women who travel to Phuket to find a “wife.”
The fact is that dating IS DIFFERENT in the USA than in Europe.
Just compare say Amsterdam to NYC. Nastiness is off the scale in NYC compared to Amsterdam. Not to mention the elbowing and backstabbing culture of Americans.
Bahahaha. Why in the heck would Euro men want to date the typical single American mom? Out of shape, crappy entitled attitude and an established history of making poor life choices. Yeah I’m sure that’s in high demand with Italian men. Hilarious click bait
You got it, Gary. Taking a major trip can be a great experience, but doing it to find a long term partner, or even a serious short time one, is pretty silly. If you don’t change, your results won’t change. For variety you might as well paint the living room a different color.
When we got married 48 years ago my wife asked me to do two things with her:
Don’t go to bed mad
Agree on money
We’ve pretty well stuck with both of those, and it worked. Also, we don’t hold feelings in but try to be polite with each other and we never expect perfection. It seems an awful lot of people give up if there are problems, which there will be in any serious relationship.
Wow, I was laughing so hard at The Onion piece that I was choking. “where not even the cops eat.” Amazing.
American women have a reputation amongst Europeans, rightly or wrongly, as being easy to get in the sack.
As the quoted article says, “Then, after a moonlit stroll along the waterfront and a kiss in the doorway of their artist’s loft, you find yourself unable to—well, I’ll leave the rest to your imagination.”
@Bill I lived in Rome for a few years and you’re 110% spot on.
I used to have long hair. When the NYTimes ran a trend piece in “man-buns” I cut it off, knowing it would become an actual trend and then a complete cliche, all in a New York minute.
That said, I did meet my boyfriend in Madrid 2 years ago. Does this mean I should cut him off now?
“European men”? Europe is quite diverse, and the things that are somewhat more likely to be encountered in Italy are way less likely in Finland.
“ As an old married person”? You’re not 50 years old yet.
Has anyone checked and compared the stats for median duration of marriages of:
A) female US citizens with male EU/Schengen country citizens
and
B) female and male citizens of the same EU/Schengen country as each other?
It wouldn’t surprise me if the there is a lot of variability by European country.
To be honest, I have not dated a woman from the U.S. in years. Nor will I. And I am American. And a male. Sorry, Gary, I could give you a thousand reasons why – but I’m sure you know them all yet refuse to accept the reality culturally. It has nothing to do with them knowing the best cafe in Vienna. Partially It’s about attitude, confidence, pride of being both an empowered woman but feminine at the same time, and not feeling they have to be louder than every other woman in the cafe. A cafe they are happy to let me choose. It’s funny reading your post from an American woman’s perspective. I can’t speak for it. Have no clue. But I do know that European women find European men to be less engaging, more into themselves, and focused solely on impressing others over the woman who they are supposed to adore. Are there exceptions, of course, but on the whole you can’t change the culture and upbringing. Women in Europe are far more engaged and educated in social skills. Further, they understand men better. They are far better raised to choose honest outcomes early (even when it hurts) over deception and contractual love. The only downside being they rarely understand Seinfeld references. But that’s a small thing.
As a cis-hetero-Euro-male I found this hilarious. Thank you for sharing!
I confirm what some of the people that have lived in EU said.
Being European myself, I can offer my opinion of what EU men think of US women.
1) They don’t know how to cook at all (that is a killer right here for most EU men)
2) They are seen as easier on the casual sex side (not sure if it’s true or not, that’s the reputation, that may be the grass is always greener elsewhere syndrome)
3) They are seen as being mostly ignorant about culture, art, or history. Those are very important in EU and apply to all Americans, Men & Women.
That’s the opinion of most people in EU, whether true or not.
American movies and TV foster the image that American women are open to casual sex. As a result, foreign men interested in casual sex target American female travelers.
I have a suggestion for these American women. Start acting like women, stop competing with men and trying to look like men and get away from that self entitled feminist crap. Then you will find a good man in America or any where else for that matter. Check out the “passport bros” movement on you tube. There are hundreds of videos by American, British, Australian men ( and other countries as well) outlining why they go to Asia looking for a wife. I am happily married for 18 years to an Asian woman. She is the true definition of a lady, woman and mother.
Hi Guys!
These silly American women, looking for LOVE in Europe, shouldn’t really travel that far. Just come on down to Miami, FL. We’ve got plenty of those flattering men down here. Yes, all Latin American men: Cubans, Puerto Ricans, Dominicans, all South Americans.. BUT! Must make sure that they are the “Green Horns” that were not born here. Stroll down “Calle 8” in Little Havana and they’ll find all kinds of REAL Macho Men. Very similar, identical to the EU men. They do all the cute things you mentioned above, they are very manly, they even pinch the rear ends of a girl, just like the Italians, if given the chance. Many are good in the sack. That’s for sure.. BUT! Live with them for a while, and they start getting bored and looking to stray. Most do. This article has made my American husband and I (a Cuban-American) who live in Miami, LOL! Love it! We need more cute articles like this one.
LULZ….now that the militants have poisoned the well in the US they’re going to spread their stupidity across the pond. They shouldn’t traumatizing a generation in the US with accusations of “toxic masculinity”. Now let’s spread it abroad.
Great job
i have a cure for dating woes. CANCER. since my surgery a few years ago i am no longer capable of sex, dating or any form of self-gratification. its a miserable life, but it is what it is. i enjoy reading these articles about some people’s first world problems.
I wonder how this experience with foreign men compares with foreigners in America. Do women prefer foreign men as a foreigner or foreigners in their home country. We find men prefer women with low expectations, who is supportive and faithful. You find this more in foreign countries. I would assume what works with men in Paris won’t work in America.
“I have a suggestion for these American women. Start acting like women, stop competing with men and trying to look like men and get away from that self entitled feminist crap. Then you will find a good man in America or any where else for that matter. Check out the “passport bros” movement on you tube”
Nobody needs your “suggestions”. American women are not competing with men nor do they try to look like men nor do they act like men.. Feminism isn’t self-entitled crap. It’s the passport bros that are entitled going abroad trying to get submissive women. Women are not going abroad trying to get submissive men, they’re just fed up with a lot of American men who are loud, greedy, vulgar, sexually immoral, play games and don’t take care of their families and are selfish.
I’ve been to Italy and no man I met thought American women were tramps, as a matter of fact, American women and men have a reputation for being prudes in Europe and here in America, Europeans have a reputation for being sexually easy. It’s rich for American men to accuse Europeans of thinking the women here are tramps when American men are so sexually immoral.
Being European myself, I can offer my opinion of what EU men think of US women.
1) They don’t know how to cook at all (that is a killer right here for most EU men)
America women cook same as any other country and make a lot of very good food. Everybody in any country can cook good food, it’s not rocket science.
2) They are seen as easier on the casual sex side (not sure if it’s true or not, that’s the reputation, that may be the grass is always greener elsewhere syndrome)
Americans think Europeans are easy too.
3) They are seen as being mostly ignorant about culture, art, or history. Those are very important in EU and apply to all Americans, Men & Women.
This is false, Americans like culture, art and history but this belief among Europeans doesn’t surprise Americans because Americans view many Europeans as arrogant and pompous thinking they know everything when they are naive.
kjk Brava per i tuoi commenti. They’re spot on! Yeah, I never had any problem attracting an Italian man; a culture that isn’t steeped in bro culture where you’re not supposed to actually like your “old ball and chain” and where the men compete with each other about who can be more over the top romantically toward their girlfriend. It’s the meh culture in the US where men want the girlfriend experience without any of the responsibility that comes with it. Sure women can cook. But what are they cooking for? A man who wants casual sex without commitment? No, cook for yourself.