In light of President Obama’s historic trip to Cuba, The Onion covered Air Force One’s return flight with ‘hundreds of Cuban refugees’ clinging to the plane.
Some of the People Weren’t Able to Hang On…
The scary thing? Plenty of people believed this was real. But then they believe what they read in the National Enquirer, like that Ted Cruz could be having five affairs. With actual women (not even one of whom is an imaginary Michelle Pfeiffer in The Russia House). Because people are dumb.
A humorous item published by The Onion led many readers to believe that Cubans actually attempted to flee their country by grabbing onto President Obama’s departing plane.
Of course the reason we know it’s a hoax is because passengers could have simply bought a ticket for the flight since the Air Force has turned to JetSmarter to sell excess capacity.
“It no longer makes sense financially to let one passenger dictate when and where we travel,” acting Secretary of the Air Force Michael Donley said in a press conference at the Pentagon, the Air Force’s corporate headquarters in Arlington, VA. “We’ve got a big plane here, and there’s no reason we shouldn’t be filling it.”
…In addition to retooling the interior, the Air Force has also instituted new fees to stay competitive and cut costs. Passengers bringing extra luggage items on board, such as fishing gear or a Scottish terrier, will be subject to a fee of $25. Nonalcoholic beer, the most popular beverage on Air Force One for most of the past decade, is no longer free, but sold at $3 a bottle. Customers, however, can now choose to pay $98 a year to skip the hassle of going through the security measures required on standard carriers.
Well that and it’s pretty improbable to survive unprotected at altitude even if you could hang onto the wing. Which is why stowaways in wheel wells usually die.