A passenger shared their experience traveling with their 10 year old, and the internet is furious. These parents have their son sit alone on flights – even when they’re all flying together. The parents sit together, and the child gets placed in a middle seat, often people two other people traveling together. Let those people watch their kid.
Their explanation – they aren’t being selfish, it’s for the child’s mental health.
Purposefully Having My 10 Year Old Son Sit By Himself Middle Seat on Airplane Flights?
…I usually sit a few rows behind him and do keep an eye on him. Originally when we adopted him, he had massive stranger-danger due to abuse. We travel quite a bit and found that using the airplane controlled environment is an excellent way to teach him that most strangers aren’t out to get him and how to recognize social cues.
It’s worked amazingly well – in the span of three years, he’s gone from clinging to my arm in fear on flights to the point of needing mild sedation, to striking up smalltalk to flight attendants, to now asking to sit by himself in the middle seat so I don’t take up space in the seat next to him for a chance of talking to someone new (not offended, just proud of him).
…On a recent flight he was put between a husband and wife. These were… less than pleasant people. Not judging (nor do I care) but before we could even push back from the gate, I could hear the two of them asking who’s kid this was, why was he by himself, was he abandoned, and just being outright unpleasant.
The parent believes the controlled environment of a plane is ideal for teaching their son to interact with strangers safely, aiming to foster his independence and confidence. Of course there are plenty of horror stories of passengers with other peoples’ children, not to mention horror stories of children subjecting themselves on other people. Ideal environment stuck inside a metal tube?
In fairness to the parents,
- They say this is working and benefits their child
- Children fly as unaccompanied minors all the time, and this is – more or less – what’s happening here. The child is unaccompanied, even though they’re accompanied.
Still, if the parents are there, isn’t it unfair to expect them engage with and supervise somebody else’s child? They didn’t sign up for this, and become unwitting and uncompensated caretakers. They aren’t trained therapists (and if they were, wouldn’t be expected to provide their service for free).
And the parents here get a break. Do you believe that they’re doing this solely and strictly for their child’s benefit?
Way too much to unpack here but a few quick thoughts:
1. I can see some benefit just like exposure to things that scare you (heights, snakes, public speaking, etc) have been used for years to desensitize people and get them over phobias. There is also a benefit to gaining a level of independence but IMHO there are better ways to accomplish that.
2. I adopted 2 kids and would be worried there is trauma here that may be increased by this action, even if he appears to be doing well. I frankly wouldn’t do this as there are other ways for someone to feel comfortable without being basically abandoned. I’ve also only do this with specific advise of a psychiatrist or psychologist.
3. Now for the husband and wife on the flight – guess they were pulling the scam of booking window and aisle seats hoping for an empty middle and it just didn’t happen. So they whine about it and no way to know if their complaints are truly related to the kid’s situation or simply self centered that their great plan got busted. IMHO, their complaints and judgement would have zero bearing on things as I would write them off as self centered people trying to game the system who got caught (and I love when people’s plans like this blow up in their face). Next time I hope it is a 350 pound person that hasn’t bathed in a week who sits between them.
In recent years, I’ve observed that too many children don’t know how to behave appropriately in public situations, in situations outside of their house and family, etc. If a 10, 9. 8 year old can be taught to relax, sit still, occupy themselves with reading or media, converse respectively with crew and other passengers. and otherwise behave property in public, then wonderful. I assume that this couple’s child is behaving well – and if so, the parents are doing well.
Just one answer: Depends. Thats it.
If the kid behaves and is a pleasant child, go right ahead. If he’s a monster, or even a bit loud, rude, messy, etc. then the parents should deal with it. They can easily sit in a row of 4 (or 3 and Dad/Mom can sit somewhere else) and put him next to a stranger if they feel that he needs it for his mental health…
Condoms people.
A few years ago I had an international flight returning to the states. I was seated next to a 11-year-old girl traveling alone. While I was surprised that the airline allowed unaccompanied minors of that yage, she said the she had been traveling alone for several years. She knew the ropes for immigration and customs, and acted years beyond her age. I was very impressed by her and had a feeling that the young lady had a bright future in front of her. I’ve also been on flights where children of that age acted like two year olds. I believe much depends on the child upbringing. As a former teacher, I saw the same thing in the classroom. Some children and very capable, those usually had parents who treated the child as a young adult and guided them gently. Other students were lucky if they could find the floor with both feet, those parents were helicopters, doing everything for them and never allowing them any independence. So it really depends on both the child and the adults raising them.
As told here, the child had issues (fear) and while that needed to be addressed, I was question if a flight is the appropriate venue. Should things go sideways it might involve moving others to calm the boy. At ten I was happy to not sit with my parents but we all are different. With my own kids I wanted to be together in case of turbulence.
This is fine with me so long as the kid knows that the folks next to him don’t want to talk to a kid the whole flight. It sounds like they’ve got one of these modern “on the spectrum” kids who expects to interact with adults on an equal basis instead of sitting down and shutting up as God intended.
Well, it is true that opinions are like *ssholes. Everyone has one. What a tempest in a teacup!
When I was eleven, I traveled 25 miles to school by train, unaccompanied, and then walked a mile from the station to school. Those years were, as I recall, uneventful.
A ten-year should be able to travel by themselves, unsupervised. The fact that some find it worthy of comment says more about the state of our society and the degredation of parenting than I care to address.
@LadyOlives
Shame your parents didn’t read this post a few decades ago…
A couple of losers seems to cheap to pay for seats. Don’t be surprised losers when your child grows up to hate you.
They’re doing it as a therapeutic intervention? Great! Makes sense. Now pay the people $250/hour for their services.
This looks like it was based on a Reddit post, from a subreddit which includes a lot of fake or dubious stories.
I was sent to Ireland by myself at the age of two (2) years. I flew on PanAm out of Midway Airport. I survived, I guess? Well, I remain vertical and breathing (so far!).
As a former summer camp director, it all depends. I have known 10 year olds who are wise and kind well beyond their years, while others have to be watched like a hawk.
Since I flew by myself at 9, connecting through DFW no less, (1980) with ZERO adult help, I say go for it.
If you book a child as an unaccompanied minor, they will be assigned seats in a designated area of the plane that FAs are supposed to keep an eye on. If there are other children they will be there too. If the airline needs to fill the rest of the designated seats, they do it with women. At least that is what airlines tell you and you hope they don’t fail your kid. That stuff about parents building confidence by seating their child away from them sounds like BS. Choose a row of three or four, or sit across the aisle or immediately behind.
Ah yes, another thing that didn’t happen. Gary is good for a couple of those every week.
So I usually do not comment and prefer to keep my opinions to myself. I would suggest some others may consider that approach as well. Having said that, for this one I feel the need to comment.
We travel space-available. As a result, on many occasions we have had to sit either individually or in a 2-1 situation.
I am a single adoptive mom of twins – adopted at 8 years old with emotional challenges. When we had to split seating on aircraft, I really tried to get two seats together and would either place both kids together or keep my daughter with me. She was insecure with being alone so i protected her. My son who, still has many behavioral/emotional issues, thrived on sitting by himself. It made him feel independent and proud – he was always the perfect child in these situations. He had a small tablet to occupy himself and I always checked on him several times during the flight. Today my children are 19 and my daughter would still prefer to sit with me (although she understands when that is not possible). My son continues to crave independence and happily takes a solo seat (although not too happily in the middle!).
Please do not judge. Parenting is hard, particularly for kids from hard places. These parents seem to have a very specific strategy that is working for their child and that is what matters. I have found too many “know it alls” who truly do not know very much.
Thank you.
Retired Gambler nails it entirely on the first comment. You win VFTW commenter of the day award.
It’s particularly funny to see people get their comeuppance trying the stupid viral tik tok hack to get a row solely for the couple.
There is nothing new about this, on Delta, it is common that a family flying basic economy ends up with middle seats scattered all over the plane.
Middle seats are not the capital that you need to trade seats with passengers who have aisle or window seats, so the children end up between two strangers. One family traveling with 7 or 8 children from high school to babe in arms ended up scattered across about 12 rows. The 3 youngest were in rows directly in front of a parent or an older child, but the others were by themselves.
Many people are happy to have someone small in the middle seat, instead of a full grown adult.
The planes are full, and people will almost always pick aisle and window if they are traveling alone and have the ability to choose seats before the day of the flight.
I don’t expect people to give up aisle or window seats for people who have a bunch of middle seats because they will not pay for assigned seats in advance.