Marriott today announced a new campaign to reduce water use throughout their more than 9,000 hotels. This comes on the heels of successfully eliminating single use toiletries in favor of wall-mounted bulk products.
With today’s announcement dubbed “If It’s Yellow Let It Mellow, If It’s Brown Flush It Down” the global hotel giant will encourage guests to flush in-room toilets less frequently.
Reducing hotel ownership cost has been a core focus since the acquisition of Starwood hotels. Marriott committed that the combined loyalty program, eventually named Bonvoy, would come at a lower cost to owners. Now the various REITs and Trusts that own the real estate carrying Marriott’s more than 30 brand flags will spend less not just on loyalty and shampoo but on water, too.
The new campaign will have three steps.
- Education. Consumers will receive a card in their bathrooms asking them to conserve water and flush the toilet “only when they go number two.”
- Bonus points. Loyalty program members will be offered 100 points in exchange for agreeing to turn off the water to their rooms. They will have to request water activation as-needed, detailing their planned bathroom use via the chain’s award-winning mobile app.
- Redesigned common spaces. New build properties will eliminate in-room toilets altogether in favor of common use bathrooms on each floor which can be electronically monitored with flushing centrally controlled.
Bathroom at the St. Regis Bangkok
Vice President of Sustainability and Cost Controls Curtis Hoteling says in the April 1st announcement, “two years of customer surveys and extensive interviews have taught us that guests care deeply about the environment and expect Marriott to lead the way in sustainability. Our loyal members are happy to make small sacrifices for big savings. With a new offer of 100 Bonvoy points per stay, we’re truly keeping to our promise of ‘Rewards, Reimagined’.”
It’s funny because it could be true
Are they f****** kidding? Nothing says quality hotel like “don’t flush your toilet.”
You had me for a moment, but when I read “award-winning app” I was reminded me of today’s date. The sad part is that it’s actually believable up to a point. Well played.
Ah, thanks JetsFan — I bought the joke 🙂
The sad thing is that with Marriott, it’s believable….
These green initiatives are way out of control. With housekeeping only happening after each day on many occasions, there is no way I’m going to let bacteria fester in my hotel toilet water. This is extremely offputting, and only pushes me farther away right from the political center where I used to be. If they want to save water, they can start by installing showerheads with normal water flow so that I’m not standing in the shower for one hour instead of five minutes.
It’s a great joke because it feels so possible.
Ah, Bonvoy…
this is absurd
this is absurd
I almost “had to flush”,
I was about to leave a very, very unhappy comment… thank goodness I read the other comments first!
Is this how the entire April 1/April fools Day Is it going to continue?? I think I’m staying home today. HAHA
This has to be an April Fool’s Joke!
LOL Gary… you had me for about a paragraph. The premise is so plausibly Marriott. A+ Joke!!!!!
Happy April Fools Day!
Leave it to VFTW to do a bodily fluids April fools.
You had me until the bullet point saying “all new builds will have a common bathroom with centrally commanded flushing…..”.
I was thinking, “I stopped staying in Hostels a year so or after college, I’m not going back to that”.
Well done and well played Sir, a happy 1st to you!
I live in SoCal, where we do this at home as a matter of course. When I’m on vacation, though, I want a clear toilet, clean towels, etc. I rarely use those on the wall toiletries – gross. Just ongoing en$hittification of everything I guess.
Some of their properties the bathrooms are being removed, they do give you an adult diaper when you check in. You can also get an extra diaper for 500 bonvoy points.
These days… it’s hard to tell what’s a joke and what isn’t. Thank you, Gary, for some levity.
Gary,
You shouldn’t be posting real news today as it may cause people to become confused.
With Bonvoy its April Fools every day
Haha. You people are such hypocrites. The. You brew yourself a black coffee with one sugar in the room and open a half dozen plastic packages.
Smells like an April fools joke
OMG that was hilarious you had me for a bit
As I just told a friend who posted as an April Fools joke that he had accepted a new job – and as a consequence came within inches of losing his actual job – a good prank needs to be plausible enough not to be dismissed out of hand right away, but with no serious consequences if people actually believe it. You had me for a while there.
I seriously thought this was REAL. So much so that I called my husband and started reading it off to him. I believed EVERY WORD until the part about removing toilets from the room and only using “common area” ones…..wow. Marriott has truly fallen for us to believe this….
Don’t give Ryanair any ideas.
Let’s just hope that no one from Marriott reads this and thinks “Hey! This sounds like a good idea….”
And again, great joke Gary! You clearly had more than a few of us fooled — but then Marriott **IS** kind of a joke
For award-winning April Fools’ Day content, please consider VFTW.
Pee’d myself laughing at the joke, but now have to let it mellow since it’s yellow. Damn it, man.
I hate April 1st!
This isn’t all that funny when you consider what type of mishagoss Marriott has been inflicting on its “loyal guests” over the years.
Back in the mid-1980s, I was staying at the Cambridge Marriott in Kendall Square in Cambridge, Massachusetts. For a while, that hotel was actually charging for phone calls between rooms in the hotel itself (not just for local and long distance calls). I complained to the front desk and had the charges removed “as a courtesy” but half seriously asked the manager whether his next step was to charge for each flush of the toilet – he gave me a blank stare as if to acknowledge that this was considered but not implemented. NO, this is not necessarily an April Fool’s issue.
The fact that I was 1/3 through the article before realizing this was a joke says everything about Marriott.
April Fools! You had me until the 100 point bonus cause it wouldn’t buy a crumb today – and is so believable.
Fun fact, I stayed a week in FLL Marriott on the intracostal. In addition to the kitchen venting starting at 6 AM, the drawbridge dinging all hours of the night, there was a sign on the toilet explaining the urine color water in the bowl due to natural rust in the water supply.
And they can’t reduce the ply of the toilet paper any more than they already have, so they are changing to invisible TP. We’ll really save the earth now!
@Gary: Well done. Written in the style that Bonvoy would use. The 100 points was a bit of a giveaway.
But in the 1970s, my late first wife and I stayed in a pensione in the 6th Arrondisement in Paris. The toilet and shower was common for each floor (4-5 rooms/floor), although there was a sink and a bidet in each room. Yes, we were definitely young at the time.
As a homage to history, hotels will also feature traditional wooden outhouses in atriums. Guests will be encouraged to leave their imprint on history at each hotel they visit.
The corporation is asking for help locating paper Sears Catelogs. If you are able to help source please contact customer service and then select prompt 1 or 2.
I was about to point out that as an elderly woman who needs a pit stop in the middle of the night, no way was I going to wander the halls looking for a toilet that might have some guy’s pee in it, when, of course, I figured out the joke…
So believable!
Echoing what everyone else has been saying, S-tier post, Gary! Very believable, very funny. Well done!
I just stayed in a Marriot that was in this program. You have to photograph the toilet with a time tagged photograph before the final flush, or leave it for housekeeping who will verify visually.
It didn’t take much for Will in the above comments to become a hard right keyboard warrior. All over what is clearly a joke. Just read the article title and head straight to the comments. Zero critical thinking
Benjamin wants you to know that he has a husband.
Benjamin wants you to know that he’s dumb enough to call his husband to discuss this.
Hey, fellow travelers, here is a “work around.” opportunity.
When you arrive in your room, check out the wastebasket. If it has a liner, great. At the end of your visit, dump it in one big flush. BTW ALWAYS TRAVEL WITH DISPOSABLE WIPES. Also, hold on to your “gift” until you can use the public toilets in the lobby. Safe travels and remember, ” if it’s brown, flush it down.!!
I guess Will’s comment is OK then? Thanks moderators!
For extra points, you send proof of not flushing in a box or bottle. Only approved containers please, to be from the front desk for $8 and 4 respectively.
Very good for April fools. The scary part is this is something the hotel companies just might consider if it were pratical. Marriott, Hilton and Hyatt no longer enforce brand standards like McDonalds so anything goes like you may or maynot get a free cooked to order breakfast if you are a platnium level customer in every full service property. As always, its all about the MONEY, not customer service
All good satire is based in truth. Well done.
This would be the end of checking into a hotel.
I would rather stay home, and go to the bathroom on my own time.
I almost believe in it and plan to turn to other hotel groups.
Only with Marriott would you actually have to wonder if this would be true.
This is ridiculous and yet one more indicator of the demise of Marriott. They may be the biggest but they are certainly no longer the best! Corporate greed masked as caring about the environment.