Some passengers simply will not change seats when asked, and that is ok. One woman absolutely won’t change seats, unless it is a celebrity doing the asking. She insists on seat 8A on Virgin Atlantic, and will take a different flight if she cannot have it. And she absolutely won’t fly in a backwards-facing business class seat.
“I travel a lot. I have very specific seats I always choose (ask Virgin Atlantic; if I can’t get 8A, I’ll change planes). I like an aisle seat when traveling domestically because I need to use the rest room a lot. I like to be at the front because I don’t like crowds and invariably need to disembark quickly. I spend weeks, sometimes months, making sure I have my favorite seat.”
The woman reports that a father was furious when she wouldn’t switch seats so that family could sit together – wishing her “ill for the future” and “storm[ing] off.”
The storming off is a problem here. If you are going to need to change seats at least do your best to have good trade bait. Try to have an aisle seat, definitely not a window, and not a bulkhead in a domestic first class cabin. You want your seat to seem like an even trade, so if you have one window and one aisle in different rows ask the person in the window to switch for the aisle as a first measure, rather than the other way around.
Seat swap requests can be egregious though,
- I was once asked to change seats so that a couple could sit together, only to learn that they were already seated together, they just didn’t like the bulkhead, and they stuck me with the bulkhead (I don’t like the bulkhead either!).
- A reader once gave up his premium seat so that a family could sit together only to have the family sell that seat to another passenger and not actually sit together.
Now, you can generally trade seats with whomever you wish although some airlines may have rules on this when it involves switching cabins. United won’t let you just take a better seat in the same cabin, even, while ither airlines will.
Bottom line you should book seats together if it is at all possible, even if it’s more costly to do so. You shouldn’t impose a cost on other passengers to save yourself money, though sometimes you can get away with it. However if there aren’t seats together, or you lose your seats together for operational reasons (my wife and I were split apart on our honeymoon by an air marshal so we asked another passenger to switch), then it’s reasonable to make the request.
It is also reasonable for the other passenger to refuse that request. They have a property right (or, really, a usufructuary right) in the seat to which they’re assigned – at least in Western societies. (In Nigeria your seat may be considered to belong to your elders out of respect.)
If the passenger won’t switch for free, what about paying them for their seat? I once paid a young teenager $5 not to recline on a Cleveland – Los Angeles flight so I could work on my laptop (I had their parents’ permission). That’s a straightforward Coasian solution to the problem.
It’s laughable that people just assume anyone can switch seats.
There are people like Air Marshals who can not switch seats for obvious reasons.
Same goes for people who are transporting prisoners which most passengers are absolutely oblivious to these situations.
It’s your right not to switch seats, just as it is other passengers right to call you bad things.
Remember that your seat assignment is technically not guaranteed. If you have a family that needs to sit together, best to ask the gate agent to move others.
I did so once on a night flight back from Hawaii so a couple could sit together. Ended up with a broken entertainment screen that wouldn’t turn off and shone in my face all night.
Swore then I’d never switch again. And have not. Much to the annoyance of people who assume that asking is all they need to do. I usually respond with “I booked this seat “x” weeks/months ago when I booked the flight, intentionally.
Thanks for this post, Gary. The self-entitled DYKWIA pax will do whatever they can get away with. As someone almost 6’6″, I often pay extra for an aisle seat with more legroom. Yet the requests from the self-entitled asking me to switch to a window seat never end. I once boarded a UA long-haul from Europe to find someone sitting in my Economy Plus seat, who refused to move until told to do so by the FA.
I never EVER give up my seat when asked by another passenger. Typically, I need to use the restroom often during a flight, so I’m not taking a non-aisle seat just because someone asks. Observations:
– It’s usually a woman who wants to sit next to her husband/significant-other that asks for a seat swap. I usually get the impression that the husband is just fine NOT sitting next to his wife, but I don’t care either way.
– In my experience, the only people who ask for seat swaps are those who were upgraded to F/J. I chose my seat during booking – why am I sitting somewhere else for your comfort?
In one instance, someone would not accept my “No” reply and tried to argue with me to allow her husband to have my seat. A flight attendant got involved and put her in her assigned seat – yes, seated next to me and she was salty the entire flight. I don’t care.
It really is odd that people could be so brazen.
It is only a flight. It is not a life sentence.
Reminds me when I chose a specific flight and paid for an upgrade to J on UA’s 757 in advance, since the bulkhead window seat was available for an overnight transcon. For those who don’t know, bulkhead seats on UA’s 757s are best if you want a seat with a larger footwell.
After boarding the passenger next to me asked if I could switch seats with her husband who is seated two rows back so they can sit together, I politely declined. She then got upset and went to tell her husband, after doing so she then told the FA who was working the F cabin. The FA took their side and they both glared at me while talking about it. This obviously made me uncomfortable, so I decided to just switch seats.
If this was a daytime flight, I wouldn’t have declined the request as long as the husband was in F. Separately, If they wanted to sit together, they could’ve just purchased the seats in advance. I have no clue if they purchased F or if they relied on their upgrades clearing.
Wonder if these people walk up to people in better seats at a concert and ask them to switch to worse seats. Same premise on a plane when trying to give away that middle seat. Just say no
Why does a “celebrity” get dibs on her seat, but no one else?
I saw that story before it appeared here, and clearly the woman has some sort of OCD – BUT, this is how she deals with it and it’s entirely within the rules. It’s entirely within etiquette, which seems to be something people have forgotten about. She worked to get that seat and short of an emergency or courtesy on her part, she’s entitled to it. Poor planning on the part of other passengers does not constitute an emergency of her part. I dare say these are probably people who refused to pay seat fees and wound up wherever because that was what was leftover.
As I travel more, I have become seat obsessive. I check at least once a day if I don’t have an ideal seat. I make sure they haven’t changed aircraft and given me some seat from hell. Maybe it’s upgrade time and we got an upgrade, but there are better seats available – like the first class seats classified as business on some AA flights last year. Upgrade, but Row 1 available on a 777-ER300, that’s mine. Maybe someone else got an upgrade, and a better seat just opened up. I know where the good and bad seats are. I am usually travelling with SO, but if we have to sit apart, we sit apart. We’re going to see each other on the other end. We’re the annoying people who sit across the aisle from each other, so we each get an aisle. No, I do not want your middle seat. If we take both an aisle and a window, I still don’t want your middle seat. Sometimes there is work to do. Sometimes there is only one “ideal” seat, so that goes to SO. I’ll find something close and acceptable.
You want my seat, of course you have the right to ask, politely, but I also have the right to say no, unless you have a really good reason. (I was once on a flight with a Green Beret, in uniform, with PTSD who was absolutely fried about flying, despite being jump qualified, and he required a window. He had one, but if he had asked, I would have given it to him. Later found out the guy had had a couple of helicopters break in Afghanistan.) You do not have the right to berate me for not giving you what you want, just because you want it. Plan better.
For me, couples or people separated from their spawn wanting to sit together always come from the back or a bulkhead. Nopeity nope. I always say “no.” They often get mad, which amuses me.
I’m sorry but this woman is just an OCD nut job. “I want to face the pilot so I know who to follow in an emergency, so too bad if your child has to sit by themselves?” Sure, she’s entitled to say no, but I’m also entitled to wish she was on a plane crash.
I recently made a good professional contact of my seatmate who wouldn’t switch with my wife (who was in bulkhead F, while I was in row 4 F). Normally I’d try to switch to bulkhead myself (rather than sending someone else there) for the reasons articulated in this post, but the guy in bulkhead next to my wife hadn’t boarded. Anyway, after the initial awkwardness of the refused request, I emphasized that I fully believe a pax is entitled to keep the specific seat they select for any reason or no reason whatsoever, and the conversation moved on. Ended up learning we’re in the same industry and having a great chat for much of the flight.
Over the ear headphones are a great deterrent from anyone trying to start up a seat swap discussion with you.
I usually hate switching seats but will do so on occasion if the seat I’m switching to is perceptually the same or better. This past Monday I flew from SFO to PHX (received a late upgrade but only bulkhead was left). Gentleman sitting behind me asked if I wouldn’t mind switching with him so he could sit next to his wife- I was more than happy to switch to row 2 and get a window seat, which I like having on shorter flights. No one should ever be upset if someone says no to switching though.
This is something I’ve been flexible on in the past but absolutely will no longer switch seats. The type of passenger who EXPECTS others (BUT NOT THE AIRLINE!!!) to accommodate them are typically the kind of people who deserve to ESAD anyways.
person: will you switch seats with me?
me: same cabin?
person: yes
me: $200 cash
person…
My wife and I routinely do aisle/window and have learned to avoid talking to each other until we are in the air. Otherwise about 70% of the time someone will try to play “reunite the couple.” Especially on WN.
ignoring the Elephant in the room, the basic economy frugal flyer, who refused to pay for his family to sit together, wants me to to suffer after I paid full boat for main cabin just so so I could choose a seat?
Whats next :The Biden administration will next bailout basic economy flyers & charge the rest of us to take the seat I paid for?
Many airlines, like AA, hold back all but the middle seat in the first 2/3 of the plane. If a non-elite wants a window or aisle they can purchase a preferred seats. Families who want to sit together need to purchase the adjacent seats. The airlines what to make extra money, just like baggage, so non-elites need to factor that in their airfare.
I had a decent coach seat on an Aer Lingus flight from Dublin to Chicago. In the gate area, a gate agent asked to see my boarding pass. She was looking for someone traveling alone who might be able to trade seats to let a family sit together. I said something along the lines of, “Well I guess so.” She took my boarding pass and came back a few minutes later with a new one: “I don’t think you’ll mind.” It wasn’t a trade – Upgraded to Business.
The posters who post they sit aisle and window with their SO’s are a bunch of A holes. I mean the poor sap inbthe middle of you while you talk to each and pass stuff back and forth. Talk about annoying as f**k.
I’ll rarely trade and only if I see a family boarding last with little kids. FAs won’t do much to help but if I see I’ll offer. Otherwise keep the seat you booked.
@Your momma – Sitting aisle and window and talking across the middle seat is rude, except for vital info like delay info or gate changes. We never do that. Even aisle/aisle is tough, as airplanes are rather noisy. It’s why we can sit anywhere, we talk in the lounges or on the way to the next gate. Besides which, you never know who can overhear what you’re saying, and some business related issues shouldn’t be discussed where that can happen.
Timing is crucial. If you know you are going to want to ask someone to switch seats, try to get to the seat before the person you want to switch with arrives and settles in. If I’ve already stowed luggage in the overhead and/or under the seat and have unloaded all of my traveling paraphernalia such as chargers, laptop/tablet, phone, reading glasses, headphones, and maybe even removed my shoes, it is infuriating to be asked to switch seats at that point.
Hi John. Re “maybe even removed my shoes”, other than that I agree with all that you wrote. I hope you don’t mind a basic safety suggestion. Keep your (hopefully closed toe, non-sandals or flip-flops) shoes on during takeoff and landing. It’s usually only a few more minutes of keeping your shoes on and if you had to quickly evacuate the airplane, which is most likely to happen during takeoff or landing, you’d be very happy to still be wearing your shoes. Yes, it’s extremely unlikely but it’s only a few more minutes of wearing your shoes. Oh yeah, on a related subject, always put your shoes on when you go to the restroom, those puddles on the floor are NOT water.
The last time I swapped seats was with a lady who said she wanted to be closer to her family, we would be swapping window for window. Nope, she had a middle seat and when I told her to swap back she pretended like she didn’t speak English. 5 hour flight…at least it wasn’t 15. Not doing that again.
I hate when people ask me to change seats. Is it really my problem that you don’t have your act together when it comes to booking airline seats? I specifically selected my seat. I have told people no. I don’t give a crap if they want to sit together. So the hell what? You want me to give up the seat I selected because YOU didn’t plan ahead? Even worse is when the FAs come up to you and ask you to switch seats. Like seriously? Am I going to get crap service then if I say no? I’ll take a seat if they are upgrading me. Like if you want me to sit in the exit row fine. If you want to upgrade me to J fine. if you want me to give up my aisle seat to sit in some middle seat then go to hell. Personally I like the window seat, because I like to look out the window. The one time I gave up my window seat was because some mother travelling alone with her child asked me if I could let the child sit there and she would give me the aisle seat. I knew how important it is for a kid to look out the window so I didn’t mind switching, but the rest of the people are on their own as far as I am concerned unless they are offering me a better seat. The story about someone giving up their seat only to have the couple to turn around and sell it to another passenger would have set me off. Like I would have made a demand for the seat back because they lied to get the switch in the first place.
just had a flight on United from LA to Vancouver. My upgrade got cleared at the last minute, so business class was a surprise. Woman approached me right away asking if I could switch with her husband. In business class, window seat. She was very polite. No hesitation, no problems they were very greatful and I was given an equivalent seat. First time I’ve been asked to switch in a LONG time.
“My wife and I routinely do aisle/window and have learned to avoid talking to each other until we are in the air.” – So you talk across a person stuck in the middle seat? That is obnoxious. How about you keep your mouth shut for the entire flight or maybe sit directly next to each other if you want to carry on conversations. Who in their right mind would want to ever sit in the middle of a couple like that. Do you pass things back and forth in front of the middle passenger as well?
This whole concept is ridiculous. Trade or not, according to your wish. But don’t feel guilty if you don’t trade when requested, that’s nuts. Anyone who would become irate because a perfect stranger won’t cater to their specific request deserves less than nothing. Send them on their way; if they won’t go, call an FA. As far as couples sitting together … if you’re so insecure you can’t sit on an airplane without your spouse for a few hours, you have far worse problems than being too cheap to pay for a decent seat assignment. People who pay attention, read the rules, pay for the seat assignment, treat the crew politely and don’t bother anyone should not be penalized by the dopes of the world.
I once had a seat swap request on a Norwegian red-eye.
I had selected a aisle seat at the front of Economy when booking months before.
After settling in I was approached from behind by a guy, who wanted to trade seats so he could sit next to his son who was in the middle seat. I was a lille confused, as his son was about 18 or 19, not a little kid.
I asked where his seat was, and it turned out to be a middle seat about 10 rows back! I firmly declined (did he ask those sitting next to him back there if either would move so his son could move there? I bet he didn’t!)
FYI, the son obviously could not care less he couldn’t sit next to dad, and was the perfect seatmate for the entire flight.
I don’t switch seats. EVER. When I book a flight, I pick my seats. If I can pick seats at the time of booking, so can other people. Their inability to do so is NOT my problem.
I had a GA ask me to switch years ago (before I knew better), and I naively agreed. Went from an exit row seat to the very back of coach. I vowed I would never do that again, and I never have.
Of the top of my head, the only time since then that I’ve been asked was DFW-LAS. Sitting in an exit row (as I always try to do), and some guy asked me to switch seats with his wife so they could sit together. I told him no, and I was rather blunt about it. He seemed taken aback, but left me alone. He eventually switched seats with the guy sitting next to his wife.
“No good deed goes unpunished” and that’s what usually happens when you swap seats out of the goodness of your heart. I pick seats very carefully and I read on blogs what the best seats for each airline and model of aircraft… Am I supposed to throw this all away just to appease someone? If a couple is unable to sit together then it’s because of poor planning or upgraded (they should be grateful for this). I don’t mind on short flights if it’s an even exchange… But never on a long haul.
Definitely would Just Say No.
Like @Stephen, I learned a lesson a couple of weeks ago flying back from Copenhagen to JFK. It’s a 767 in coach, so AB CDE FG. I’m in C. Woman in E wants me to swap with her because her friend is in B. Since the seats are more or less the same, I agree. She proceeds to arrange another swap with the guy in A, so the friend moves to A, she moved to B, and the guy from A is now in my original seat C. Fine.
A few minutes later, along comes a guy and shows me his boarding pass: 31E. I say to the woman, what seat does your boarding pass say? She says E. I say what row, she says 31. I asked to see her boarding pass. Oh, 31D. I say I agreed to swap to an aisle seat but not a middle so I want my seat back. So I’m back in C, but the guy who swapped out of out of A and is now in D is either too nice or too meek to demand his window seat back, so he sat in the middle while the woman and her companion chattered loudly for most of the flight.
So lesson learned: if you do swap, insist on making sure the requester has title to the seat they are offering.
It is not always because of poor planning that you don’t get to sit together. With all the flight cancellations and last minute flight changes recently, many flyers who *had* carefully planned ahead and made seat choices were left scattered around in middle seats and/or sitting at the very back. Happened to me on my most recent flights. I think everyone was just grateful to be on any flight. With all the cancellations and things moving around, GA and staff were not entertaining any seating requests or swaps — everyone told to do it themselves on board.
One flight, father was moving up the aisle asking to change seats so he could sit with his young son. Many people were accommodating and offered to swap seats — they did end up sitting together. I (aisle) asked a young girl (aisle at the very back of the plane) to swap seats so I could sit with my 2 kids. She said OK, and then found out I was seated in the aisle opposite her own mother, which made her very happy. They didn’t know they could ask to swap seats and had resigned themselves to be sitting apart.
People rarely ask for a necessary reason, such as having been split up from their 4 year old or their parent suffering from dementia. It is almost always just personal preference like the husband/wife thing. FAs should stay out of non necessity seat switch requests and not put another passenger on the spot.
I traded seats and forgot to tell the United flight attendant before the service. The person that took my seat ordered food, a snack, and multiple bottles of wine…..and of course since its a cashless cabin its all tied to the seat. Fortunately, I mentioned it to the FA when she got back to my row and had to spend a few minutes fixing everything. After that, I’ll never switch again for any reason.
When I’m stuck in the middle seat between a couple, I usually offer to buy her a drink and spend the flight chatting her up and making snide comments about the husband.
If you have to buy a drink, you’re sitting in the cheap seats and impressing no one.
Had the scam happen to me, when someone asked to switch window for window and I ended up in a middle seat across the Pacific.
@Actual Statistician Such a child that resorting to name calling would make you feel better because you don’t know how to plan. If I can choose my seat so can you.
I was flying from LHR-FRA one weekend, as it was only a short trip I only had cabin baggage and such didn’t get an opportunity to pick my seat (without paying). I got assigned a middle seat, I dont mind, it’s only an hour or so.
But two young chaps at aisle and window seat were chatting with each other and over me, I asked them if either of them wanted to switch as it was getting really annoying. They both said no, I said well then can you each take a breath mint or some gum cause your breaths both smell like dog shit. That stopped them talking over me.
I equate them with gate stormers tho there was a time I was split from my husband in Business First. We were non-revs so we couldnt ask. It was creepy having to sleep next to a strange man.
I’m missing a gem comment from @David Miller on this lively topic! Totally his bag.
“Coasian” Damn Gary. Pulling out your economist street cred. That lady doesn’t need to explain anything. The father needs to turn in his man card.
Here’s an interesting one. Last week, I was flying on a United long-haul (10+ hour) flight with my adult daughter, on separate reservations. I paid $43 each to get us “preferred” seats across the aisle from each other – not extra legroom, definitely not Premium Economy, just seats that were next to each other and not middle seats.
An hour before the flight, we were at the gate, and all was good.
20 minutes later on boarding, the boarding pass on the app had updated to a different aisle seat, right in front of the lav and nowhere near my daughter. They had switched me without asking to keep a family together.
I didn’t immediately realize, until the family boarded and showed me their passes. That’s when I refreshed the app and found that they moved me. They had little kids, and there was no one on board who wanted to help, plus I would have felt terrible giving them a hard time. They were traveling with little kids, and the husband and wife were already split up with a couple of kids each in different parts of the plane, and my daughter is perfectly capable and has flown long haul many times herself.
Still seemed wrong to give me an inferior seat without any notice. Not willing to make a fuss over this in this instance but was quite surprised.
I suppose an airline is perfectly within its rights to do so, and it’s difficult to complain in the moment, but I’d still file an after-the flight complaint and at least try and get my money back for the seat assignment. Or some sort of voucher or miles. You can make the argument that you wouldn’t have paid $43 for the seat they gave you, you paid $43 for the seat you chose.
…and a quick update – this got my ass in gear to message United about it, and they offered a refund for both seats, no hassle.