A 33-year veteran flight attendant asks me a pretty interesting question: why do passengers touch cabin crew so much?
Why do passengers touch us to get our attention? I can be standing next to them and they grab me. No other job had this problem as much as we do. I would never grab someone in a restaurant.
There’s the Mad Men explanation here, a stereotype of lecherous males treating woman as something other than equals and not respecting flight attendants as professionals (“coffee, tea, or me?”). But I don’t think that’s what’s going on here at all.
Would you believe that as a passenger, I find that cabin crew touch me more often than I’d like? Whenever a flight attendant bumps me with a galley cart, or just bumps into me, they’ll usually touch my arm or shoulder while apologizing which always seemed weird to me – touching me to apologize for touching me!
- I’d say that airplane cabins bring together all sorts of different people and cultural expectations, and throw them together with other people whose expectations and practices are different, and that’s a big part of what we get conflict in the cabin – it’s small-d democratic.
- Some people are touchy and some people aren’t, some people are ok with being touched and some people aren’t, and most people just act how they are without concern for the sensitivities that others aren’t.
- And the cabin is pretty confined quarters, passengers are really physically close to each other but also passengers and crew are physically close to each other in ways they aren’t in most other contexts.
- Physical proximity is often an invitation for physical touch, and maybe people don’t realize that in this case that proximity isn’t totally voluntary – just part of being stuck in a metal tube together?
At least that’s my take on the question. Obviously I’m not talking about overtly sexual or demeaning touch – slapping or grabbing or touching more private areas of the body. That’s clearly inappropriate and should be dealt with. I’m talking about the more ambiguous touch on the arm or shoulder, which I think is more about a disconnect in culture norms and cues.
Why do you think passengers touch flight attendants so often?
I’ve never touched them, but almost did a few times when they didn’t seem to hear me (or were intentionally ignoring me). I have been touched numerous time by them, however, as they were talking into my ear at an uncomfortably close distance and there was no need for touching to get my attention. I recall wondering how they’d react if I had done the same thing to them.
Probably because people don’t want to yell across many people to get the attention of an indifferent disgruntled worker who is obviously trying to do the bare minimum. Besides, based on how low the average attractiveness of FA’s has fallen, I can assure you that it’s likely not sexual in nature.
I would like to second Jake.
I have never touched a FA, even when trying to get their attention, but have been tapped or touched by them many times to get my attention, what’s up with that?
I like Gary’s hypothesis about the confined area theory. Sounds good. Even though, everyone, FA’s included, should realize that it is a bit weird, like the article states…
Gary, I’m not so kean on having strangers touching me either, flight attendants or otherwise. That’s one of the reasons I pay extra for F or J and get my little “slice of heaven” on international trips.
BTW, I used the Flagship Lounge at ORD several weeks ago on ORD-LHR AA flight. Much better experience than Admirals Club. They’re doing that right.
The female FAs usually touch me when I make them laugh . Applies to females elsewhere as well .
This is probably much more of an aisle seat situation. Being in a window seat most of the time, touching of the cabin crew or touching by the cabin crew is very rare. The few times I use the toilet I have no need to interact with the cabin crew. Sometimes a flight attendant pushes by me as I wait for an open toilet. I am more often on Asian airlines with Asian crews and I don’t see touching on those either. Maybe it happens on airlines where the cabin crews ignore the passengers.
I find that cabin crew touch me and my travel party members more often than we like. And I’ve had flight attendants bump me with their bodies, galley carts and sometimes even their luggage. Mostly done without an apology or any care for my feelings about the situation.
I too have been on the receiving side of being touched to apologize for touching. Maybe that is part of the “soothing touch” thing that some parents, daycare teachers and attendants try to do to young kids when the young ones seem sad or more likely to become sad because or something that happened.
The worst is when someone pokes us on the hip to request something they forgot to ask for, as we move the cart down.
Does the 33-year “veteran flight attendant” have a history of working with American Airlines?
Bloggers with high traffic need to call out creeps like Sam Chui who constantly touches female flight attendants in his videos, it’s just very creepy and videos like his probably get amateur travelers to think that is ok.
I would think a 33 yr veteran would understand how loud the cabin actually is, and how hard it is to hear for most people. And since we “aren’t supposed to use the call button” per the AFA President it’s just to get their attention.
It’s adorable that the author thinks that people don’t grab/touch employees at “a restaurant”.
Don’t touch the FA, don’t use the call button.
Yes, I’ve gently touched one on the shoulder or arm to get their attention. Big deal.
Pay more attention to your passengers and I’d not have to do either. Usually happens when they’ve taken to hiding in the galley and don’t come back out to see if we need more liquids or snacks.
I don’t understand why it’s such a big no-no to touch or tap someone on the arm or shoulder to get their attention in a noisy, crowded space. I’d rather they do that than yell in my ear.
When it comes to FAs in particular – if I’m sitting in a coach seat, there’s a pretty good chance that there are two or three pairs of ears closer to me than the FA whose attention I am seeking. In order to verbally get the attention of the FA, I have to demand the attention of several other people. Tapping the FA on the arm is a direct one-on-one communication. Of course, certain parts of the body are off limits.
They touch them because the FA’s pretend not to hear them. If they don’t like it, they need to start working their shifts.
Bunch of lazy, worthless seniors that could care less that people paid for business or first and get treated like crap.
It happens because aircraft are very noisy and voices are not heard well. Add to that the fact that the flight attendant is in the aisle with his/her back to the passenger and they feel reaching out is the only effective means of getting their attention.
How are they being touched?
Two fingertips (one is a poke, more is a grab), brief rest on top/back of shoulder or lower arm/wrist, is socially acceptable in pretty much any situation in North America/Europe where you don’t have eye contact with a person whose attention you need. Touch should always be accompanied by a “Sorry” or “Excuse me” followed by a verbal request of what you’d like.
If it’s passengers wrapping hands around wrists or resting hands on shoulders or touching any of the not top/back of shoulder/lower wrist areas, it’s inappropriate.
I would try to avoid touching strangers as you never know who is going to go ballistic even for the most innocent of contact or where someone may be injured or painfully sensitive. Especially when it comes to flight attendants on a US airline. While I dislike doing this, I am more likely to raise my hand and say “excuse me” to try to get the attention of the flight attendants nearby. They seem to increasingly dislike the use of the call button so I only use it rarely and almost entirely avoid its use nowadays unless stuck in a window seat.
As a 38 year flight attendant, I’ll tell you why you as a passenger may be touched by a flight attendant.
For those complaining about being brushed by a flight attendant or hit by a cart, it’s because you are hanging out in the aisle. Well, the only place for us to push the cart and try to offer you something, or your fellow passengers to walk, is in the aisle. And no, It’s not our fault the seats are too close together or the aisles are narrow.
Next, you are glued to your TV, phone, screen, game when we are coming through with the service. After we push the cart past your row and You didn’t get anything, tou are indignant and outraged that we ‘skipped you’ even though the other people in your row have drinks and food in front of them. Also, the policy of my airline is to awaken people for meals. So there’s that.
Lastly, for those of you who have commented about the attractiveness or lack thereof of cabin crew, take a look in the mirror and then in the gate room as well. Most of YOu dress like slobs and believe me, you aren’t even passable. And most of you never get up and brush your teeth. Even after a 15+ hour flight.
I was educated to never touch anyone. Upon entering the business world and office environment, I soon learned that certain subcultures are really no-holds-barred when it comes to touching, even in an upscale office environment, and regardless of the me too movement.
I’ve flown in two centuries in all levels of cabin and aircraft, and have never needed to touch a flight attendant. I don’t get it. I don’t understand. I don’t have a solution.
@ Sandra 100%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
AA pilots are supporting flight attendants on the LGA-CLT route covertly from what I’ve seen. EVERY flight I’m on and I fly every two weeks beverage service is suspended because of possible turbulence that never happens. As EP, I am mostly in business so they still bring drinks and snacks (but only once voluntarily). They NEVER provide a pre flight drink anymore. They chit chat and ignore you. A request for a second beverage needs to be ASKED for. Flight attendants have a pretty simple job yet they bitch and moan.
@Sandra
We are your customers. We are the reason you are gainfully employed. It is also not our fault the aisles are narrow. That is on YOUR EMPLOYER and you are an agent of that company. Sounds like you dislike the customer base that puts money in your pocket. You sound bitter and unhappy in your job but probably enjoy the pay and benefits your seniority has afforded you.
You sound insecure about some idiots that complain about physical attractiveness of FA. Personally I couldn’t care less if Quasimodo pushed the cart down the aisle as long as that individual is FRIENDLY and COMPETENT. Flight attendants should be in good physical shape since part of YOUR job is to help passengers in case of emergency and if you’re 60 years old and woefully out of shape, you can’t do your job in case of emergency
Lastly your labor issues and job satisfaction is NONE OF THE CUSTOMERS CONCERN nor should it be. Do YOU care about job satisfaction of someone making or serving your dinner at restaurants? I bet not.
@Sandra – you tell them. Most passengers especially in first/business think who the hell they are. I had a guy across the aisle from me in Mint one time who wanted the F/A attention as she was busy in the galley preparing meals. He started yelling “Stewardess, Stewardess” over and over. I almost told him to shut the hell up but someone beat me to it.
@Mark Johnson – as for lazy worthless seniors – it’s people like you who probably treat ALL the F/A like slaves and are there only for your comfort. If you don’t like F/A drive yourself wherever the hell you want to go.
Mets Fan in NC where do you work ?
@Tim ja
what is the relevancy of where I work? Happy to defend what I wrote but don’t understand what you are driving at
@Lorraine Bauer
You are in a service profession. If I was in a restaurant and the waiter was ignoring me should I not call for him or her? Yes if I am first or business class I EXPECT to be treated like I am in FIRST or BUSINESS CLASS. I EXPECT a pre flight drink being offered. I EXPECT the FAs to be friendly and attentive not chit chatting with coworkers. We are loyal paying customers that purchase premium seating. Why should we not expect premium service? If you don’t like your job or your customers, seek employment elsewhere. Your comment about busy in the galley preparing meals is nonsense on almost all flights today. There are no meals unless you are flying internationally and if I’ve purchased a first or business class international ticket for 5-7K, damn right FA should be waiting on passengers hand and foot.
If you went to a fine restaurant and were paying 500 dollars for a meal for two, wouldn’t you expect great service. Why when I pay thousands for airfare for one person should I be happy with a bag of peanuts thrown at me by a disinterested and surly FA
Honestly, tap me on the shoulder to get my attention if I’m wearing headphones. Beats snapping your fingers in my face (which I’ve seen happen to passengers MULTIPLE times in United economy.)
OMG. I had no idea so many people don’t like to be touched, even gently on the arm or shoulder.
And guys, senior women need to work just like everyone else! Regardless of how they look. The days of women being hired for how they look is over in most jobs. (If they are hired for looks, it is because someone wants YOU to spend more. Love the comment about how slovenly we all dress.
And since I never have flown first class, get over yourself. Maybe they have been instructed NOT to offer a preflight drink – either to save money or to avoid disruptive drunks.
Come back to economy and sit in a middle seat. I don’t expect the FA’s to be overly friendly-they are too busy giving us snacks and drinks.
@be kind’
since you have never flown first or business class you have no point of reference for what you are saying and what the expectation is for that class of service….get over yourself and move to economy middle seat, I’m not PAYING for an economy middle seat so why should I be treated as such . If they have been told not to serve a welcome drink to save money that not good. If it’s to avoid disruptive drunks…..that is absolutely the rare exception than the norm
Most first and business class flyers know the drill, fly regularly on business and are repectful
Because the quality of service has gone down the drain. I try my hardest not to touch anyone on a plane but I swear most flight attendants hide in the back for most of the flight and when they are in the aisle they intentionally ignore the passengers that are trying to get their attention. Not all flight attendants obviously but I would say more act this way than don’t, at least with American Airlines which is what I fly the most.
@Sandra, 100%
Use your call button,not your hands