I appreciate all of the readers of this site. That’s something I don’t say very often. Many of you know that I don’t have any employees. I write everything myself. And also that this isn’t my only endeavor. I also have a full-time job. My biggest challenge as a supervisor is not giving regular positive feedback.
I don’t get social cues. I treat things very matter of factly. And that’s why commenters will sometimes call me ‘tone deaf’. But it’s also why the comments on this site are completely open. As long as you’re not getting too overtly violent or sexual (this is a family site!) and not revealing non-public personal information about people, you’re welcome to criticize me as much as you’d like.
I’m enough on the spectrum not to have any sense for how what I’ll write lands on people, or even consider that question. I say what I think, and it drives brands nuts. I forget that anyone is reading at all … usually until I get the inevitable call from an airline or hotel chain to yell at me. And I’m good with that. As long as what I’ve written is accurate I’m not going to worry whether it’s politic.
In other words, my neurodivergence creates some challenges in interactions, but it’s also my superpower. I don’t think I’d have been able to keep writing this site for the past 23 years, all on my own and in my own voice (no punches pulled), without it.
So it was really meaningful for me to read the new book Born Lucky: A Dedicated Father, A Grateful Son, and My Journey with Autism by Leland Vittert.
He’s a friend and someone you’ve probably seen on TV. I was fortunate to get an early look and while he’s still young for writing his memoir his story is incredible. From overcoming bullying as a child to surviving war zones, there are incredible stories here.
I used to watch Leland years ago as a Middle East news correspondent. I had no idea back then that he was able to put all his travel and living expenses on his personal Starwood Amex racking up millions of points.
I got to know him in 2011 ago when he reached out for help booking a business class award for his mom to Australia. I’ve been on his shows (e.g. here and here), both when he was on Fox News and now at NewsNation. And he did me a great favor hosting the 2019 Freddie Awards at the American Airlines C.R. Smith Museum in Dallas.
What I never knew is that he didn’t speak until age 3. He showed signs of autism early, at a time when it was far less understood. So he was regularly bullied, socially isolated, called “weird,” and rejected growing up.
I also had no idea he carried a letter from his father in his wallet his entire life. After Leland’s grandfather died, his dad found a letter outlining principles like truth, character, and achievement. And he’s carried that letter with him ever since. I still have my own father’s briefcase, and in it I keep a letter he wrote to me about life when I was 10. I’ve started and stopped a draft of my own letter to my daughter many times but haven’t quite managed to say the right things. I tear up every time I start.
Not everything is so serious. I didn’t know his father was almost a partner in the Pittsburgh Pirates (the offer reported in The Sporting News) before a tragedy struck and the deal didn’t happen.
His father shifted focus away from work and became his coach, helping him learn skills to navigate social norms. They’d go out in public and they’d do debriefs. His father would tap his watch at the dinner table to help him learn timing and analyze the rhythm of conversation, so he’d figure out when to speak. Leland practiced.
At age 8, his father had him doing 200 pushups a day – to build up the resilience to stand up to the bullying. And it was the price of rewards like a visit to Disney, because rewards came from effort.
I think there are some great lessons here. A diagnosis does not define potential. I often tend more towards biological determinism in my explanation of outcomes, but it’s a great reminder how parental dedication really can be the difference-maker in quality of life. And there’s a lot beyond autism here as well, bullying, social exclusion, resilience. So even for readers who aren’t on the spectrum the way I am there are still a lot of lessons here.
There’s a a sample chapter of both the audio and print version at bornluckybook.com and you can pre-order at Amazon. Born Lucky comes out September 30.
I’ve only been attacked by some of you in the comments here (and yelled at by the occasional airline C-suiter). Leland has been attacked on twitter by the President for his coverage. Since he not only overcame his neurodivergence but turned it into a superpower, I found the read enlightening and inspiring.
There’s a lot of inspiration here as a parent, too, not to lower expectations because of a label; not to cushion a child from reality but to prepare them for it; to pair necessary firmness with an unwavering presence and translate big life lessons into daily, practical drills. But, mostly, to model character. Because kids are watching.
Such a beautiful post. Thank you for all you do.its so helpful for so many!
Wishing you continued good health and success in all your endeavors
Just great, Gary.
Very inspiring — especially about the letter.
Very interesting. For those interested in this general subject may I also recommend, well known economist Thomas Sowell’s “Late Talking Children.”
Thank you for everything you do, Gary.
Thanks for writing great stuff, Gary. Really appreciate you.
Thanks for all you do, Gary.
Wow, I’ve been reading your blog almost from the beginning and I didn’t know this. Very inspiring. Thanks for sharing.
@Mak — Ugh, you’ll make @Mike P’s day praising Sowell on here; fortunately, that book (published 1997) focuses on his personal stories, which are more admirable than his unproven, mostly partisan, economic theories. (Hoped we could just stick to praising Gary for this post.)
@MaxPower — I noticed there has been a delay/duplicate issue on the site recently. I guess it’s ‘all good,’ since, at least for this post, it means all our ‘praise’ might be two-fold, like you just did. Bah!
Gary, you have always been very considerate not to hurt any people personally , be it customers or travel professionals.
thanks for the brutal honestly, Gary, but I have never thought your were anything less than a hard-working, intelligent person that is passionate about what you do and has built a lot of loyalty and friendships among those that know you not just in person but also via the power of the internet.
All well-developed people continue to learn and grow which you certainly do.
all the best, always.
My thanks and appreciation as well, Gary!
Weird that you felt the need to drop the anti trump reference. Was Trump disagreeing bc he’s on the spectrum, or bc he legitimately disagreed? You don’t get a free pass in the public forum. You kinda ruined an otherwise respectable piece with that single jab. But I do always respect that you don’t shut down/ban those who disagree. I consider you a classical liberal, someone that can actually debate politics issues, not the far left loons taking over lately that only want to kill who they disagree with.
Been a daily reader of you and OMAAT since 2009. Thanks for all you do! I am most surprised that you keep your day job, when the blog probably makes many times your salary.
Really lovely piece, Gary. As someone who has multiple loved ones on the spectrum, this piece hits a special place in my heart. Spectrum powers can be super powers if treated with love, kindness, patience, and understanding.
Thanks Gary. Flying today is truly an analysis into society. In very weird ways.
Nice write-up, Gary.
Regardless where your straight-shooting style comes from (neurodivergence, natural way of being, conscious choice, etc.), I like it!
Keep up the good work!
Thanks Gary for sharing your background and this story. I have been a long time reader of your blog and always find it helpful and interesting. If people don’t like what you write, they can stop reading your blog and go elsewhere. No one is making them read this blog and it doesn’t cost them a cent.
It’s extremely difficult to be a human online right now, as vitriol and behavior outbursts (stalking, calling in complaints) as used to punish thought.
Taking the the time to share the human behind content is bold in such an environment, and is the only way we can learn from each other and become better people.
Thank you. Many thanks for your blog.
What’s with this trend of normies with OCD and focused interests of some sorts claiming to be “on the spectrum” and “neurodivergent”? Seems like a cop-out of sorts.
Having hobbies and interests that are addictive in ways isn’t abnormal. People are creature of habits because habits and interests tend to be addictive. And most people are pretty lousy at catching most all the social cues out there around them and only prioritize some of them — very normal. 😉
You’ve been a big part of my life for over 10 years Gary. You’re the points and miles GOAT and the rest of the greats (Ben Schlapig, Frequent Miler Team and M. Klint) all live in your shadow. Thanks for this post and all you do for the community here.
@Mantis — Nah, nothing ‘ruined’ here.
“To announce that there must be no criticism of the President, or that we are to stand by the President, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public.”
—Theodore Roosevelt
What’s with this trend of normies with OCD and focused interests of some sorts claiming to be “on the spectrum” and “neurodivergent”?
Having hobbies and interests that are addictive in ways isn’t abnormal. People are creature of habits because habits and interests tend to be addictive. And most people are pretty lousy at catching most all the social cues out there around them and only prioritize some of them — very normal. 😉
I started reading travel points blogs as a poor grad student in astronomy (meaning basically all of my colleagues and I were on the spectrum) nearly 20 years ago. I quickly settled on VFTW as my main source of info. Your precision and attention to detail were a key driver of that choice, so maybe subconsciously I was picking up on a fellow autist.
Thank you Gary, for the many trips with luxurious flights and hotels, that my loved ones and I have taken due to the knowledge I gained here!
If anyone is interested in a book with a similar theme, written from a scientific perspective, check out: The Pattern Seekers, by Simon Baron-Cohen (who is Sacha’s cousin).
If I can share one small request: maybe take it a little easier with letting AI write your headlines for you. It’s nice to see/hear your voice there too.
Thanks for the post. You being you is the secret sauce! And please just write the letter for your children. One day it will mean so much to them.
Wait, you had time to read a book? LOL, probably on a plane right?
Seriously, it still amazes me you write and produce this blog with a full time job AND YOU DO IT VERY WELL!
Thanks for the book recommendation and for highlighting the audio version. That was thoughtful. I’m going blind and my love of books continues through audio.
Sadly, I’ll have to leave Austin b/c it’s too expensive for a person on disability.
Somehow I’ve made it 65 while being on the Spectrum.
Can you tell? Hint: I overshare.
Be Best Gary!
Thank you for sharing, Gary. As someone who has had to keep working at social skill issues all his life I understand what you are saying. Some people just naturally pick up on these cues, others have real trouble with them. Personally that has given me real career trouble as many people seem to think that “everybody knows” what they “really” mean.. (But I wonder if picking these up too easily can also short circuit the filter to question what others are doing–“getting along by going along” isn’t always the best strategy either.)
Regarding a certain person who, as in far too many places in America, has appeared in this thread, there is one event that says all one needs to know about him. When he was running in 2016 a disabled reporter asked him a difficult question. His “answer” was to mimic this person’s disability. Such a man has the sensitivity of a rock, though he has very good animal cunning by using lies and threats. I would be honored to be on his “enemies list”.
As a fellow autist, I appreciate your coming out in this column today. It is always brave. I appreciate your writing, Gary.
@drrichard — Well said. (That ‘incident’ should have been the end, but, alas, it wasn’t and the nightmare continues, likely to take generations to clean up.)
Thank you Gary, for all you do…and for sharing about this new book, which I noted. You might also enjoy one by Frank Caprio, who was the “Caught in Providence” “nicest judge in the world, who passed away a few weeks back…the book is called “Compassion in the Court” and conveys the importance of compassion and empathy and family. I especially appreciate your essays as I have not travelled much in the past years. Not covid related, but caregiving for my elder parents with whom I lived, who passed at 100+ (Dad was a WWII vet and 105). Prior/during that time, 5 years ago this coming week, I nearly died of a dissected aorta…which is why I so appreciate knowing what’s going on that you report. Also because I am a tiny, probably microscopic shareholder in AAL, and my beloved Starwood, not Marriott. (I did not vote for that either!) Keep up the good work…much appreciated. PS…once upon a time when I was passing thru DFW, I was able to visit the CRSmith Museum and also got a one on one tour by some kind folks at AAL who showed me the flight academy where the FA’s trained and other parts of operations. Very impressive.
@1990
lol. Yeah. I’ll admit I thought “huh… I’ve been banned”
@MaxPower — That’d make me sad. Fear not, pal. You are not alone!
As the parent of a 37 year old autistic daughter, I recognized a lot of what you wrote and want to extend my appreciation for what you do and what you’ve managed to accomplish. Well done.
@MaxPower @1990 — Yup, with you guys as well! Ain’t the same without y’all.
@Mantis. I went back to Gary’s column and tried to find what you stated “Weird that you felt the need to drop the anti trump reference. ” All I could find in the column was ” Leland has been attacked on twitter by the President for his coverage. ”
It seems to me that is a factual statement and not a jab. A jab would have been along the lines of “Leland has been attached on twitter by out as*hole of a President for this coverage.” It was you who mistook a statement of fact (and not an alternative fact may that term live in infamy) and took a jab at Gary. So any statement about President Trump that isn’t laudatory is a jab even if merely a statement of fact is very concerning.
@L737 — And thanks for noticing when I’m on vacation… bah!
Great post, Gary.
“Hoped we could just stick to praising Gary for this post.” But YOU are the one who made it political. Sowell’s economic analysis is well respected. It just some economic liberals just want to dismiss his well-researched works by waiving their hands (and sometimes with racial insults).
Respect.
Most people who have dealt with Señor Leff seem to enjoy dealing with him. That puts him “on the spectrum” of likability — despite some of his politics — on the likable side.
Autistic folks carry with them a gift. It’s society that needs to learn & not the other way around. My autistic nephew speaks fluent Japanese because of watching Pokémon & other Japanese cartoons religiously as a child and teenager. Go figure.
“…which are more admirable than his unproven, mostly partisan, economic theories.”
Out of the mouths of economic babes.
I’ve often wondered how you pull of a full-time job and writing this blog every day. Kudos to you, Gary!
Thanks, Gary. Running a site all on your own is difficult enough. Running a *great* site all on your own is amazing. Thanks!
“But it’s also why the comments on this site are completely open.”
Well that was a lie.
Your “neurodivergence” doesnt excuse you sensationalizing and ridiculing people at their lowest lows for your monetary gains.
“I’m enough on the spectrum not to have any sense for how what I’ll write lands on people, or even consider that question.”
Clearly, you have enough sense to write that, maybe you should ask others. Again, you’re excusing being an a-hole.
“My biggest challenge as a supervisor is not giving regular positive feedback.”
Case in point. Sounds like you’re a real dream to work with. Your blogs are the same.
Honestly piss off Gary. One day your kid will google you and read what people think of you and the way you treat others. Try being the “model character” you claim to want to be for your kid.
@POGary – you can literally call me a ‘POS’ in your fake email address and have your comment published here. You don’t have to like me. That’s the beauty of this world. For some reason you keep coming back though, think about what that says about you. Have a great weekend!
@1900 It doesn’t seem that you have read “Late Talking Children,” – I’m guessing not Sowell’s other books either, which make him arguably the world’s greatest living economist – or just have poor reading comprehension.
@Mak — Really prefer to keep the comments about Gary’s story and that more relevant subject matter, but warn others, recall that Sowell has called our central bank ‘a cancer’ and advocates to abolish the Federal Reserve (look it up); like, if he were a doctor, those positions would be akin to advising a patient to inject bleach (bad idea). We need an independent central bank, lest we forget the lessons of history. Even if you’re a fan of gold or crypto, hyperinflation and currency devaluation is not our ‘friend,’ if you’re serious about economics and our country’s wellbeing.
Gary,
When people link your inflammatory crap all over the travelsphere (congrats), yes, I’ll defend others that you love to ridicule. Ill keep coming back to tell you that you are a bad person, because you are. You are a hate-filled individual, just look at your posts! And yes, I’ll give you a fake email, that’s irrelevant.
The beauty of this world is diminished when you ridicule people. There is no beauty in your postings advocating for lower wages, and belittling peoples’ jobs. There is no beauty in your overly critical musings of those who produce. You do nothing but take and complain. You punch down.
Again, your kid will google your name, and the terms “clown, toxic, a-hole” will be there right beside your name. You’ve done so much damage to people that you’ve had cease and desist letters served to you.
There are plenty of neurodivergent people who arent jerks. Look at yourself before you cast so much hate on the world. You cant even defend your disgusting behavior.
@PO gary – just listen to your tone. It says something about you. But you clearly get enough out of my content to keep coming back, and keep coming back to the same posts over and over. So you value the content more than you admit even to yourself. Why so lacking in self awareness?
“Why so lacking in self awareness”
Wait wait wait, you just made a post about neurodivergence and lack of self awareness and acceptance, then go and mock someone for the very same thing? Wow.
“So you value the content more than you admit even to yourself.”
I dont value you monetizing people’s lows. And I’ll keep coming back to shed light on who you really are. And at the end of it, you don’t even argue the point. Intellectual laziness.
For someone who excuses his tone-deafness on neurodivergence, youre sure good at picking up the tone now…I’ll change it up for you:
You admit you don’t pick up on social cues and describe yourself as “tone deaf,” yet you dismiss the effects of your communication as irrelevant as long as what you say is accurate (which is a stretch, as you dont even admit mistakes or correct articles). You fail to take accountability for the toll your writing takes on people. You mock people at their worst. That’s not “thought leading” commentary. It’s cheap cruelty for clicks.
If your blog garners complaints and backlash, and youre getting phone calls and C&D letters, maybe the problem isnt thin-skinned people or angry companies—it’s you refusing to be civil. And no, being “on the spectrum” isn’t a get-out-of-jail card. Plenty of neurodivergent leaders do the work to build awareness and develop communication tools. Hiding behind the label to excuse poor interpersonal skills is lazy and damaging—to your credibility and to others on the spectrum who are doing the work.
If you want to be a provocateur and go after cheap clicks, own it. But don’t pretend you’re a woe-is-me, accidental villain who “just says what he thinks.” You’re not being real, you’re being reckless. And no, the truth doesn’t always need to be “politic”—but it does need to be accountable, and right now, you’re not even trying.
And clever of you not to post the earlier comment until after everyone has moved on and done congratulating you.
Coward.
“Why so lacking in self awareness”
Wait wait wait, you just made a post about neurodivergence and lack of self awareness and acceptance, then go and mock someone for the very same thing? Wow.
“So you value the content more than you admit even to yourself.”
I dont value you monetizing people’s lows. And I’ll keep coming back to shed light on who you really are. And at the end of it, you don’t even argue the point. Intellectual laziness.
For someone who excuses his tone-deafness on neurodivergence, youre sure good at picking up the tone now…I’ll change it up for you:
You admit you don’t pick up on social cues and describe yourself as “tone deaf,” yet you dismiss the effects of your communication as irrelevant as long as what you say is accurate (which is a stretch, as you dont even admit mistakes or correct articles). You fail to take accountability for the toll your writing takes on people. You mock people at their worst. That’s not “thought leading” commentary. It’s cheap cruelty for clicks.
If your blog garners complaints and backlash, and youre getting phone calls and C&D letters, maybe the problem isnt thin-skinned people or angry companies—it’s you refusing to be civil. And no, being “on the spectrum” isn’t a get-out-of-jail card. Plenty of neurodivergent leaders do the work to build awareness and develop communication tools. Hiding behind the label to excuse poor interpersonal skills is lazy and damaging—to your credibility and to others on the spectrum who are doing the work.
If you want to be a provocateur and go after cheap clicks, own it. But don’t pretend you’re a woe-is-me, accidental villain who “just says what he thinks.” You’re not being real, you’re being reckless. And no, the truth doesn’t always need to be “politic”—but it does need to be accountable, and right now, you’re not even trying.
And clever of you not to post the earlier comment until after everyone has moved on and done congratulating you.
Coward.
“Why so lacking in self awareness”
Wait wait wait, you just made a post about neurodivergence and lack of self awareness and acceptance, then go and mock someone for the very same thing? Wow.
“So you value the content more than you admit even to yourself.”
I dont value you monetizing people’s lows. And I’ll keep coming back to shed light on who you really are. And at the end of it, you don’t even argue the point. Intellectual laziness.
For someone who excuses his tone-deafness on neurodivergence, youre sure good at picking up the tone now…I’ll change it up for you:
You admit you don’t pick up on social cues and describe yourself as “tone deaf,” yet you dismiss the effects of your communication as irrelevant as long as what you say is accurate (which is a stretch, as you dont even admit mistakes or correct articles). You fail to take accountability for the toll your writing takes on people. You mock people at their worst. That’s not “thought leading” commentary. It’s cheap cruelty for clicks.
If your blog garners complaints and backlash, and youre getting phone calls and C&D letters, maybe the problem isnt thin-skinned people or angry companies—it’s you refusing to be civil. And no, being “on the spectrum” isn’t a get-out-of-jail card. Plenty of neurodivergent leaders do the work to build awareness and develop communication tools. Hiding behind the label to excuse poor interpersonal skills is lazy and damaging—to your credibility and to others on the spectrum who are doing the work.
If you want to be a provocateur and go after cheap clicks, own it. But don’t pretend you’re a woe-is-me, accidental villain who “just says what he thinks.” You’re not being real, you’re being reckless. And no, the truth doesn’t always need to be “politic”—but it does need to be accountable, and right now, you’re not even trying.
And clever of you not to post the earlier comment until after everyone has moved on and done congratulating you.
Coward.
@1990 — “Really prefer to keep the comments about Gary’s story and that more relevant subject matter, but warn others . . .
It’s odd how you claim to “prefer to keep the comments about Gary’s story” yet felt the need to make an uninformed comment on Sowell’s book (which is related to the subject of Gary’s comments), as well as editorialize about your uninformed views of his work, and respond with further editorializing about Sowell that is not only uninformed but unfair . . . and then try to shut down responses by clucking at those responding to you as changing the subject. I will only note that this is evidence of a deeply illiberal mindset which values your own views over those of others. Think about it.
@PO gary — Oof… that’s a whole lotta noise, sir… and, 3x for good measure, too… bah!
@Mak — Fortunately, Gary is a gracious host, and seems to encourage discussion on here. So, I presume you’re welcome to discuss whatever you’d like, including Sowell; and, if I disagree with your or his opinions, I’ll speak up, too. How is any of that illiberal?
Gary,
thank you for all you do. We all have a choice what to read and which sites to visit, and I certainly enjoy yours (despite occasional appearance of clearly deranged a-holes who deserve to be banned here). Thank you for your generosity as well.
@Mak economic liberals don’t read texts by economists for the same reason young-earth creationist don’t read books on geology or evolution.
Gary, you’re an inspiration. Many thanks for your work on this blog and your inspirational post.
@Gary-
I have gone from completely agreeing with you to completely disagreeing with you, depending on the topic. But I always find your writing informative and value your opinion. Plus, you’ve steered me to some great CC deals.
Thank you for this post. I just pre-ordered his book.