Maybe one family member gets stuck at security, or you have PreCheck and they don’t. Or someone in your group has to go to the bathroom and it takes a long time. You’re cutting it close to your flight. Do you board without them? Do you split up, and maybe wind up leaving them behind?
One passenger shared a story of traveling with his wife to visit their college age daughter. They are very different travel personalities,
- He’s “type a” preferring to be early and organized.
- His wife is “go with the flow” and everything works out.
They planned to leave for the airport 2 hours prior to departure, drive 30 minutes, and arrive an hour and a half out. But she only got up 20 minutes before they were supposed to leave the house and still wanted to “make coffee, shower, and eat a bowl of cereal” so they only left the house an hour to departure. They arrived at the airport when their flight was boarding, security had a longer than usual line, and they missed their flight. They got rebooked for the next day.
On their next trip out to see their daughter they left earlier, and arrived at the airport with plenty of time, but this “annoyed” the wife since she would “have to sit and wait for 45 minutes for them to start boarding.” They had an hour connection, which meant 25 minutes to change terminals.
They arrived at their gate with 15 minutes to spare, and she went to get a Starbucks – in a different terminal – and didn’t return for boarding. She didn’t answer her phone on the first several tries. Eventually she said she was in a long line, but was on her way.
Finally he’s alone at the boarding gate, and the agent tells him he has to make a choice – they’re closing the boarding door. He boards the plane, his wife is left behind. She calls to say they won’t let her on – and he should get off. He did not, and now they aren’t on speaking terms.
She got to Jess’s school and seemed unbothered by the whole situation, didn’t even really talk about it. I thought maybe she realized it was her fault and just wanted to drop it.
Boy was I wrong. We are now home and she hasn’t talked to me since the trip, over a week ago…
Who was right here? Who was wrong? Should a family split up like this?
Let’s forget moralizing. Going ahead without the irresponsible family member who insisted on stopping at Starbucks when there wasn’t time – and who decided to stay there even with the long time! – may be the practical decision, best for you and even best for them!
- You’re doing your travel companions a favor by going without them. It’s easier to get one seat on standby than two, easier to get two seats on standby than three. So going ahead, getting one person to their destination, makes it easier for everyone to get there. In contrast, in order to travel together, makes it harder for them to get where they’re going to.
- They may be perfectly capable of traveling by themselves. How capable are your travel companions? Perhaps if they’re missing the flight because of a line at Starbucks they aren’t very capable. But someone who has never missed a flight spends too much time in airports. Expert travelers miss flights!
- It’s the financially responsible move. If you’re staying at a hotel using points you don’t want to miss checking in for your stay. If you’ve redeemed points with Hyatt or Marriott you may be on the hook not just for losing the points for the night, but for an undisclosed cash forfeiture amount that’s probably even (much) higher than the room rate you would have paid. So you’re saving your financial future by going ahead!
At a minimum boarding without someone in your group is a no brainer when flying with Southwest. How early you board determines your choice of seats. You can board the plane and save them a seat! You’re literally doing them a favor by getting on the plane without them, and it’s their responsibility to at least make it to the gate before doors close.
I don’t recommend leaving behind children, though raise your teenagers to be travelers and learn their way around an airport people!
He’s right. She’s wrong. Case closed.
In essence, she is demanding the he change HIS personality to accommodate her. Why doesn’t she change HER personality to accommodate him? Or, as it worked out, they both just travel based on their individual personality and she needs to accept traveling alone sometimes when she messes up.
Live with it, lady.
BTW, great weekend material for the regulars to chew on, Gary 🙂
Easy decision and he made the right choice.
Board without her and pay for Internet to message the divorce attorney on your way.
A couple of details are missing from the story recap (which may or may not be relevant):
1. It’s his daughter, not hers. He’s a widower who remarried after his daughter’s mother died after giving birth to her. I don’t recall if the original story said when he remarried.
2. She won’t let him travel alone to see her, or at the very least, would really resent it.
3. IIRC, she also doesn’t especially like to travel.
That said, this is clearly a case of passive aggression. She resents the attention paid to the daughter by her father, she resents the travel, she just wants her way/doesn’t want to be there. This is not a case of anyone changing their personality to accommodate the other, this is a case of both of you need to do what you need to do to get on the plane, and she clearly doesn’t want to do that, but at the same time, doesn’t want to just let him go on his own, which would solve everything. In short, this marriage has way more problems than a missed flight or two. And from my vantage point, almost insurmountable ones. As a stepparent, you don’t put yourself between your spouse and their child unless there’s something really wrong going on – this is just a visit, not supporting a drug habit. In short, it’s counseling followed by a trip to the divorce lawyer unless she has a really big change of heart.
One Saturday morning in my airline manager days I was at the gate for our morning departure to South Florida, which fed a lot of connections further south. At the time, we only flew to Aruba once a week – on Saturdays only. We were missing a few people at departure time and didn’t get approved to hold. One passenger waiting to board was a woman going to Aruba for a week for her 30th wedding anniversary. Her husband was not to be found. I remember something about having something at TSA he shouldn’t have and wanting to go back to the car versus throwing it away (and the car I think was in a remote lot). Had to tell her: if you are going, you need to board. If not, no way of getting you to Aruba until your return date. She told us screw her husband, they had prepaid resort reservations and she was going on without him, and told us to tell her husband if he wished to make it 31 years he better find another way to get there before she came home, or don’t bother picking her up! Husband showed about ten minutes after the plane pushed. We went online and searched flights for him and Southwest had a nonstop for about $700 a few hours later. Last seen, he walked off toward that end of the terminal.
He was right, she was irresponsible. I’ve never understood those long lines at airport Starbucks anyway. I’m not hostile to Starbucks, but how are their overpriced products worth standing in a long line and especially missing a flight?
Answer depends on the relationship. If I couldn’t get in touch with my wife and she wasn’t there, I wouldn’t board, period. Ever. Whatever mess needs to be overcome, we’ll handle it as a team. More likely scenario is that I’m the one AWOL and she has would never board without me.
There have been a couple of times that I took a risk to get something done and explicitly told her to board without me but those are only for quick non-stops where I am agnostic as to making the flight and would find it easier to get a single seat out.
@Nedskids. You made my day. Great story
With the additional details from C_M, it’s obvious that in this particular situation the wife is 100% trying to sabotage the travel and is mad that her husband has a backbone. He should keep refusing to let her manipulate him and either she will adjust to his boundaries or they will divorce.
In general, whether to board without or not depends on a whole bunch of circumstances that vary from situation to situation. Is the final destination near the airport and a quick pickup when the other party arrives later? Is the final destination a 4 hour drive from the airport and I’m just going to be waiting at the destination airport for the other party to get there anyway? Is the next flight in 2 hours or tomorrow? What are the loads/weather like?
In most cases, I’ll just wait for the other person unless it’s going to cost a productive day at the destination or the loads are tight and we should take the seats we can take.
I would have never married someone like Meg in the first place. She is being an anchor. He did the right thing for his daughter, Jess. That being said, if my wife was late to the gate, I would wait because I would have to handle the travel changes and my wife doesn’t play games that way.
Buying 2 new tickets is more expensive than one. If both people are able bodied and have credit cards, one person should continue and the other person should take a later flight. Two people should have a prearranged plan to what to do if separated by a gang of thieves carrying knives, airplane leaving, terrorist attack, heart attack, etc. It’s just like kids. Tell them, if lost, to wait or call the police or head towards a known destination or whatever is discussed beforehand.
How many of us are buying tickets where the penalty for missing a flight, especially if you’re already at the airport, is buying new tickets vs. just being standby on the next flight?
I leave myself 2 hours for domestic and 3 for international. I can usually find a place to eat after security in my terminal. I look at my phone while I’m waiting to board. I disagree that if you have never missed a flight you’re spending too much time at the airport. I would rather be an hour early and have to wait than be 5 minutes late and see the boarding door shut in my face. If the wife misses enough flights maybe she will leave earlier and eat and drink in the terminal that their flight is departing from. Or she can stay at home.
Absolutely board, get your bin space. If one has to be left behind, it’s a lot easier for one to get rebooked. And what’s wrong with consequences for your choices?
I had kind of the inverse situation recently where when we got to the airport my wife realized she had left her cell phone at the hotel. I went back to go get it, and it was marginal if I would get back in time. I would have wanted her to travel without me and I’d follow.
Turns out our flight got delayed so I’d make it. But I wouldn’t have blinked an eye had she gone on our booked flight and I’d have followed on the next one I could get on to.
The reason to go back and get her phone… we were heading to Canada the next day so not time to wait for even a Fedex.
She’s an idiot. Nobody rational traveler risks missing a flight to eat cereal. And yes, sometimes you abandon your food or drink order if you need to board a flight. The cost of doing so is minimal compared to missing the flight. (And I say this as the type who typically parks at the airport an hour before ETD vs. my wife who prefers 2 hours before ETD).
It is hard to believe the wife was really this stupid, more likely passive aggressive with intent to disrupt the travel plans. Her future will be lonely after the divorce.
Yep, other commenters called out the “passive aggressive” component. The woman tried so hard to screw things up, you have to believe that something else is going on here. The relationship probably has other problems, and the guy is rightly getting fed up. This isn’t just a travel problem; it’s a relationship problem. IMHO the man did the right thing.
If she pulled that crap traveling with me, I’d just board. I typically get to the airport 1.5 hours early, if she needs coffee or to hit the head, she has plenty of time… if she waits until the last minute, she’s on her own.
I was the “left behind” traveller when I got stuck behind a family with water in every family members bag when going through between terminals security and missed connection at Frankfurt. Honestly, I’d rather sort out rebooking for just me than to deal with it for both of us. This advice is the best to remember when your tempted to be emotional and not logical.
I see the wife’s behavior as thoughtless at best, passive aggressive at worst. Until recently it was only I who had TSA pre-check and I was not going to stand around, waiting for my husband who would not go to the trouble to get his own pre-check. We have resolved this issue, but I think it would be good for traveling partners to have this discussion the day before departure. Anyone who would rather miss a flight than be in the waiting area for an extra 30 minutes has bigger problems than time management.
He absolutely did the right thing by boarding without her. She was trying to sabotage him, probably because she was jealous of him spending time with his daughter. He should seriously be thinking whether he wants to stay with this woman who sounds like a total brat.
HOW TO DELAY A PLANE WAITING FOR OTHERS:
I boarded. I explained I my spouse is coming from security hold up and has my medication. I said I could deplane, but then they have to unload my checked bag, becuase they’re not allowed to fly a bag without the passenger.
I explained by the time they dug my bag out of the undercarriage, my wife would be there. They checked with the pilot and he said you’re right, we’ll just wait.
I also have a 100% foolproof hack for when they try to take my carry-on at boarding, but I only post one free valuable hack per day sorry lol.
(Actually, I’ll share with the author if he contacts me, and he can decide to pass it or not.)
@Jason – airlines can fly bags without passengers when those bags have been screened, positive bag matching is generally no longer a thing on domestic flights
@Jason: Is your undisclosed hack as well-informed as your disclosed one, meaning, not informed at all?
Even if it were, I would hope Gary wouldn’t share it, as the rest of us prefer our planes departing on time.
Great article. One caveat- if you fly Southwest and one person has companion fare, you have to fly together.
I’m not a qualified psychologist, although I have seen them portrayed by actors on television. I therefore feel qualified to say that the spouse here has some of the most blatant passive- aggressive issues I have ever heard of, and it’s past time for counseling.