Frequent flyers often earn their status for work. They slog through connections and delays and miss time with family. Their most coveted benefit is the upgrade, which is increasingly tough to get. It matters so much more on those trips with a loved one, to make those business meetings away all that much more worthwhile.
But what happens when there’s only one seat? Which one of you gets it, or is it better for the relationship just to sit together in back? That’s the urgent question that Nikita Bier asked on twitter this weekend:
If you get upgraded on a flight but your girlfriend/wife doesn’t, do you downgrade and both suffer or do you take the upgrade? I need an answer in 5 minutes.
— Nikita Bier (@nikitabier) November 2, 2025
Ok, it gets better.
Honeymoon
— Nikita Bier (@nikitabier) November 3, 2025
What’s more, he took the upgrade – to Emirates first class.
Thanks for all the suggestions everyone pic.twitter.com/lvyXGh6rd0
— Nikita Bier (@nikitabier) November 2, 2025
This is how I’m pretty certain THIS was engagement-bait: He’s the Director of Product at Twitter, if he were going on his honeymoon he’d be paying for the cabin he wanted to fly in. But it’s still a very real question couples traveling together face every day.
My position with upgrades is that when an airline offers one, you take it. Coach is bad. You should not wish it on someone that you love. And it’s ok to be apart for a few hours. The only exception? That is, in fact, the honeymoon.
Here’s the truth. It’s ok to be separated. It does not carry huge meaning.
- If one passenger gets upgraded, you do not turn down a seat with more room. You do not wish suffering on your partner. What kind of person would that make you? You’re supposed to want better things for them.
- Spreading out on the couch at home doesn’t mean you do not love each other. There’s nothing wrong with spreading out on a plane, where space is even more at a premium.
Your goal on a plane should be comfort, which means space. And anyone secure in their relationship should want space for their partner, not debasement. When one partner spots the opportunity for greater comfort, they should be supported and not scorned.
You should want the best for your partner. You should even be willing to give up something for them to have it. Haven’t you ever read Gift of the Magi?
Here a wife did her husband dirty their anniversary trip. They had the top two spots on the upgrade list. She told them she’d fly coach with him if it came to it. She took the upgrade anyway, and claimed it was outside of her control.
And here’s someone who actually left his new wife in back to take an upgrade on their honeymoon to Mexico. I remember a couple fighting as they waited in the lounge for their honeymoon flight on Air Tahiti Nui. My wife and I were starting off our honeymoon too. I thought, gosh, I’m confident we’ll make it longer than they will! That was more than 20 years ago.
Very dumb. Should have tried to accept the upgrade and then have his wife take it.
“Newlywed Tech Executive…” you appear to have misspelled ‘scum-bag,’ Gary.
I would give it to my wife/SO. That worked well in my first marriage and only once did they make me take it as I had not slept much the day before. I had one close relationship after divorce before meeting my current wife and I did the same with her
However in my second marriage my wife want allow it – she would prefer to sit together which i dont mind. Ill give my upgrade to someone else
Many techies seem to have had no mothers to teach them common courtesies and respect.
Several years ago my wife and I were riding the Moscow subways for several days. We often boarded standing room only cars. EVERY male got up from their seats to offer my wife and then me their seats. (we are grey seniors).
Last month on our annual multi month visit to Prague. Many young women stood up to offer their seats to my wife. Nearly every young male just sat their with their man spreads and ignored the old lady with a cane.
Civilization is dead- dog eat dog. Let’s start with the young males
I could believe that would happen with a tech bro.
I am somewhat choosy on which airlines I fly since I am almost always in coach. A few days ago I was in coach but upstairs on a A380 where a coach seat costs a reasonable upgrade fee more. None of the big three in the USA offer such a coach seat. In fact, not a single USA airline offers a comparable coach seat.
As far as the Twitter guy, I will be surprised if his marriage lasts even though he probably earns a lot of money. He should have changed so his bride could have the seat. He will have the chance to sit in expensive seats enough through his career.
She married a loser and this tells you something of what has happened to young people. Manors, decorum, values, and social norms used to be passed down to the younger generation. Today it’s whatever an app, a Tik Tok or some aging actor looking for attention by spewing their moronic thoughts dictates.
I have alway given any single upgrades to my wife when travelling with her if offered only to me. She has been my partner for years worked full time and raised our kids and she has always deserved it. I have even given an upgrade to my daughter when travelling with her so she could enjoy it.
I am settling into the role of grumpy old man nicely. I totally agree with @George Romney. These young whipper snappers need to get off my lawn!
Oh, and if this story is true and his wife chose to marry him know this is how he’d behave, well, sister’s got what she’s got. If my partner ever did that to me he’d come back to coach to find me celebrating my honeymoon with the hottest flight attendant I could find.
@George Romey — No, this is an outlier, and a pretty bad one; selfishness and greed are not from any particular generation, and its disappointing to see you try to assert such prejudices here; bad behavior can be found among all eras, and should be shunned when witnessed. Most husbands, fathers, brothers, sons, etc., are decent, gentlemanly, and they take good care of their wives, fiancés, girlfriends, mothers, daughters, sisters, friends, and strangers alike. C’mon, George.
I have a type. Every single woman I have been in a “non-short” relationship with would agree with this strategy. The one offered the upgrade takes it. Then, the two of us flip a coin to see who gets it. But, I get it. If you really want to be together that much, turn it down. If it makes you feel good to be the “man” and let her always have it, go ahead. But, I don’t (and neither do the woman I’ve dated/married) believe in there being prescribed roles by gender.
People! this is all nonsense.
It is doubtful this guy is married. It just generating clicks by saying something nuts – aka the Twitter business model.
He probably got an email from Musk asking him what he has done this week and needed to quickly think of a way for how he grew online engagement on X.
I am not a newlywed and I would rather be smushed in coach together than be separated.
If spouse 1 was upgraded to First and spouse 2 was in Business that’s different honestly. If you are in a decent Business seat you are sort of in your own world and separated anyway. Then I would say it would fine in particular if you checked in on each other. There is not much you can do other than check in periodically on most Business class flights anyway. Can’t you have a visitor for dining in Emirates First? That would be cute because then you can eat together.
Coach to Business no way though on Honeymoon.
@tom — (Shh, you’re saying the quiet part out loud… we’re supposed to express outrage, keep clicking, liking, and subscribing, or in this case, viewing Gary’s ads, and using his links!)
ROFLMAO! No woman would ever let a guy forget that he took the upgrade and left her back in coach ON THEIR HONEYMOON!!! Not ever! No way! If this really happened she’ll be making mileage out of it for as long as their relationship continues.
@tom is right it’s classic bait.
And Gary a successful tech executive isn’t necessarily going to just pay for the cabin from the start. S/he may get a thrill out of the chase.
The clown is a selfish animal. His marriage won’t last.
@Greg — Ahh, you knew all along that Gary (and this original poster) were the master-baiters.
@Stupid Stupid Stupid
Exactly my thought as a gentleman :-)). Obviously in this day of selfishness not clear.
Tool, Loser, and Pig all come to mind.
What we see are a bunch of sexists in the comments. If you treat women equally why would you give up your seat. This dude got it right.
Yawn. Yet more vapid rage bait.
I get it though, Gary. Gotta pay them bills somehow, right?
@Mike Hunt — And, sadly, all the affiliates at Boarding Area seem to follow along, too.
Even Ben, who usually just posts helpful guides, trip reviews, etc., has recently increasingly be dabbling in this stuff. After several days of delay (from when Gary covered it), Ben posted on that Frontier check-in arrest.
One of the commenters (@BradStPete) there even specifically called out Gary, saying: “Ben, I love this blog and look forward to reading it daily. Having said this, content like this article is veering into Gary Leff territory and the overtly racist opinion expressed by some SHOULD have no place here. Please do better, Ben. Both in stories like this and clearly over the top racism. Thanks”
Hmm.
I always accept the upgrade, give it to my wife and I stay in coach or comfort plus. Happy wife, happy life. Especially when going on vacation.
He should have taken the upgrade and given it to his wife. Maybe during the flight, she would come down and offer to switch for a while. You shouldn’t be asking random people how to treat your spouse. If you have a particularly complex question that you can’t answer by applying common sense, consider asking a religious leader or mentor, rather than relying on AI or social media.